Vultures and a Carcass

Sometimes I feel like everyone needs something of me, and in this mind, these hands, there's just nothing left to give. Every single family member I have, is so detrimentally unstable, literally on the verge of collapse. Sometimes I wish someone would just carry me for once; I can no longer lift. I'm surrounded by …

Love, Relationships and our Reasons we go into Them.

"If you both agree at a conscious level that the purpose of your relationship is to create an opportunity, not an obligation---- an opportunity for growth, for full Self expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you,.........if you take that vow …

Within the Abyss

Oh dark heart, what shall it take to keep you tame? So many fresh starts, good intentions and hope filled predictions. So many efforts and attempts to be kinder and brighter, only to plummet to your deepest descents again. Should this be called a war within? Or better yet, a striving against? Oh vain attempts. …

Yin And Yang

https://youtu.be/oQgogYmjI5w No pain, no birth; some sages say. Aches and pains, strength and growth. When fire, there is smoke. Liberty after chains Hmmm, say it again... And when I look back and I think of it; that's exactly how it's forever went. Angels and Heretics Heaven and Apocalypse Fancy men and lunatics Honesty and Politics …

Of Tithes( What I Give/Dish) and Truth.

God, Source, Love and Light, I'm realizing all I can give you, is solely my truth. Even when it's ugly, Let not my kind actions and words be nothing's; forced, fraudulent attempt's to prove something. Let me not lie to myself, when my outward ways are brighter than my thoughts and feelings. May I be …

Self-Knowledge:

“And a man said, Speak to us of Self-Knowledge. And he answered, saying: Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and nights. (Our spirits know what we long to understand. Our Spirit is aware, though we may physically not be.) But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge. (We …

Apologies

I feel guilty for my many words and my many reactions….. And as I sit here wallowing in my own guilt ridden, touchy conscience, I have to ask myself, am I sorry for what I did and the hurt it caused? Or am I sorry because I feel guilty and that’s a painful thing for …

Puzzles and Pieces

Why hold fast to one piece of the puzzle; when there are still so many to piece together ? Why not put the piece aside? Many times, with puzzles, mysteries~ you find that the pieces you have don’t fit quite right, or you can’t find their proper place. And you will find, that if you …

Soul and Mind

How often I’ve mistaken my mind for my heart(soul), and vice-versa. How often they’ve told me my mind was the way; but my heart could not be trusted. How often I’ve listened to the deliberations and patterns of my conditioned mind While silencing my soul when it spoke of love, While tying down my heart …

Lost Faith

I lost my faith in Christianity, when it became clearer, that the majority of professing followers of Christ(myself included) appeared to chase after becoming “saints”, rather than servants. And in order to be the saints they so believed they had to be; they had to be all consumed and sold out, by what it took …

Dealing With Difficult People and Relationships

https://youtu.be/1t4-1xOBirQ

You Need Me. Sincerely, Solitude.

In solitude, we see more clearly. "We live in an extremely externalized culture," Moore says. "We are constantly pulled outside ourselves—by other people, by the media, by the demands of daily life. Nothing in our culture or in our education teaches us how to go inward, how to steady the mind and calm our attention. …

How to Find Time for Yourself

Finding time for yourself can be as important as it is challenging. Here are some proven strategies for fitting more personal time into your schedule. — Read on http://www.verywellmind.com/how-and-why-to-find-time-for-yourself-3144757

Wild Wild West

Note: I talk in extremes to make points. I don’t necessarily think the church should be perfect or is filled with all hypocrites. I don’t think one must debase themselves and live in poverty and grief to be a follower of Christ. My objective is to show how churches do tend to overly focus and …

Do You Build Your Life Around Your Authentic Self or our Cultures Expectations and Ideals?

For me, I don't want to live by the "rules" and expectations of a society steeped in greed, materialism, consumerism, and so forth. I want my spirit to lead me. I have to realize what I do for others, VS what I do for myself. And when it comes to a lot of things most …

Pablo and Jane

Let me pour out the liquor and mourn a few, rest in peace to our time; Rear view. You were it I had chosen you . Let me let go and exhale, Fast away this love spell. No thinking of you and me; Godspeed. It is the best elixir, ignoring all of my feelings, get …

Peace Within, Peace Without: Know Thyself First…

“Our capacity to make peace with another person and with the world depends very much on our capacity to make peace with ourselves. If we are at war with our parents, our family, our society, or our church, there is probably a war going on inside us also, so the most basic work for peace …

Grace and Humility

I must remember; that everyone has their gifts, just as they have their torments. Everyone has their light, just as also, some darkness. All have their season. In it or out. To change and wrestle. To learn and grow. What I have escaped and lived through, seen and heard; another may have done so long …

Maybe?

There is a time and a place for judgement, is this so? To be reprimanded, corrected? The Church, the professing body of Christ..we can be the first to judge, reprimand and correct. Yet, we can likewise be the last to accept it. And from what I find; we, the people of God, are to be …

I’ve Cried to This Several Times in the Last Few Years.

https://youtu.be/py6ZF8hRsHY

JP on Trauma

https://youtu.be/ed1KGYC1oXM

God Lift Us

https://youtu.be/a4AlCk-NDz4

State of the Heart

You will find the world ready to mourn with you; And when it’s time to celebrate; you will find out who really wants you happy.

Today

Don’t run yourself ragged; for others. Don’t strive for the things others would. In order to create an appearance the world would applaud. How often we commit to things; for the sake of impressions. How often do we not live for our true self; because we are living to create an image. We toil and …

This Thought

When we finally believe something. As true. We will no longer need to defend it. Defense, like a self preservation agent, is primal. Fear based. Defending is like implying we must protect it. But what is known to be true; need not be lost. Defended. Or protected. It sits still. It needs not object. It …

Hello No!?

youtube.com/watch

Understand

What people don’t seem to understand about suicide, is that it’s not that people want to die. They just don’t want to live.... “ like this.” And I guarantee, most if not all who do, fought a very , very, very good fight before becoming tired of that fight. Just as much as some people …

Tonight

I have to accept the fact, that like many poets and extreme men; most their words are taken for granted and dismissed until they lay… a dead man. Words of wisdom are never comprehended by their family and friends. Until they posthumously are finally given some interest. I’m fine with this.

Looking Back

Looking back, my life has been nothing but chaos and conflict; and I’m looking forward to going.

Hey Baby

Hey baby I love you and I miss you, Won't you sit down and just listen Cuz I've been thinking here and sitting Memories in my head, reminiscing About your humor and your kisses How I'm happy when I'm with ya You keep me going whether you know it Make me feel like something I've …

I’ve Told you Before, I Don’t Know What it is, So you Title It.

Enter at your own risk, I'm lost in thought and have no script I think a lot, I'm prone to fits I've been fucked up, still at 36 I feel like Rogue, that X-Men chic I have to watch who I touch, who I open up with I mean well, but my mind is a …

Today

How do I find help, Without time for myself? People are under vast amounts of stress, in who knows what particular areas... it’s all personal, contingent upon so much. Those that need help, have to find methods that work well for them, and then be consistent and also make time for it. Who has time …

Church, God and White and Brown Folks.

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-bible-for-normal-people/id1215420422

Today

One good reason too, why we should endure the absence (of others, friends, family, etc) patiently is the fact everyone of us, is absent to a great extent from his friends even when they are around. ~Seneca

Watch “Can We Trust Our Feelings and Intuition?” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/Ci8ZAj6Z8C4

You Cry, “Stop the Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?

You say, "make a change"; but where are you participating? With more than a voice? ............... I can tell you now, that the majority of violent crimes are committed by overwhelmed, misunderstood, lost and hopeless, misguided individuals. And I can tell you with confidence, that most every single one of those above said individuals, at …

The First Will Be Last 🤔

One good reason death to self, being last, self-sacrifice, and carrying ones cross; can all be symbolized by crucifixion..is because crucifixion is to the body, what self denial is to the ego. We will do anything before choosing to crush/insult ego. It is the most "excruciating" thing. We will even firmly believe our own reasonings …

The Stages of Spiritual Growth: Falling Upward with Richard Rohr

https://youtu.be/Y1i3EfXyWew

Love Like Jesus: The First Will Be Last.

We've been conditioned into subconsciously always asking ourselves, "how can I be first?", in any given situation. It comes natural. We aren't even aware of it typically. Begin to practice asking yourself, "how can I be last?"; and you'll soon realize how self interested, you really are.

Wow! NDE.

https://youtu.be/5XrA79_T_R0

Good Listen, Hit Home.

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-name-for-every-thing-with-richard-rohr/id1452609613

Wisdom and Reformation

Wisdom is being able to separate the essentials from the non-essentials~Richard Rohr

#Repeat 😍🥰

music.apple.com/us/album/one-man-band/1476032694

The Power of Pause

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-christian-therapist/id1356700814

Consider Who… Yeah You. 🙋🏻‍♀️

The only time we should consider others, is to ask ourselves, “will it help them or hurt them?” This is the one single time we should allow others into our headspace. Other than that, I do not see any purpose or justification. For what is all other consideration and contemplating of another’s life, if it’s …

Hostile Venting: Mean Phrases Scar Intimate Relationships | Psychology Today

Hostile Venting: Mean Phrases Scar Intimate Relationships | Psychology Today — Read on http://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201107/hostile-venting-mean-phrases-scar-intimate-relationships?amp

I Ain’t Never Heard a Better Explanation of My Current Life in a Nutshell 💁🏻‍♀️

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/free-hypnosis-hypnotherapy-self-help-life-coaching/id1093422763?i=1000370130649

Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. 😜🤔🤓🤐🤡😈😇🤣😬😬😬😬💁

I'm learning to not mind being as authentic as possible. As a gift to myself if anything. Being true to myself, my reality. Why lie to the crowd? Why be someone else or pretend I am keeping up with the Jane's and Jones's, when I'm really a hot mess? Why does wearing a painted mask …

Gang Banging in the Pews.

I see in myself this same pattern one finds when teens choose gangs. That longing for belonging, leadership, purpose. When the family unit does not seem to give what is needed or presumed needed, one ventures off to find it elsewhere. And though that elsewhere may not be healthy, the feeling of belonging and significance …

The Gospel Economy — Center for Action and Contemplation

https://cac.org/the-gospel-economy-2019-11-24/

Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?

As I sat here praying, I asked God what He felt about my interest in other spiritual leaders. Some of whom my old self would have considered heretical or wolves in sheep's clothing. Was it dangerous to my soul? Am I being led astray, along a winding path toward hell? Or is there also truth, …

Watch “Gabor Mate’s short-lecture about ‘being self-disconnect'” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/QHC4IUpbwGM

What Does it Mean to be Fully Human? 😭😭❤❤❤

https://youtu.be/SZaQuy1ujek

Money Money Money! Money! 💸

I love Homilies | Money, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-dznzz-6d93315

👀Awake Oh Sleeper!

I will say this, all the wrong attidudes and things I've condemned in others: greed, self-centeredness, gossip, accusations, pride, hypocrisy, lusts, materialism, comparison..you name it; I've likewise found in me. They may not manifest in the same ways or they might vary in degrees..but at their core, they are of the SAME spirit.

Social Media

To me, social media means neglecting and missing out on all things meaningful and valuable, In exchange for all things superficial and empty. Those people and moments I neglect, For strangers and white washed tall tales of happiness. My children looking to me for acceptance and approval, While I scroll for the world's...👍

Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.

I have grown and learned more from struggle, than anything else in life. This is the paradox of suffering and want. It has made me more humane. It has forged within me more compassion and gratefulness, than any fine thing. It has opened my eyes to what really matters, and what things are just not …

Ministry Matters™ | ‘How can Christians support Donald Trump?’ is the wrong question

https://www.ministrymatters.com/all/entry/8310/how-can-christians-support-donald-trump-is-the-wrong-question

The role of the father: past, present and future | University of Michigan News

https://news.umich.edu/the-role-of-the-father-past-present-and-future/

9-20-2019

Will you love me in my brokenness When I have nothing else to give but these moments in... Conversations and contemplation...about what life is.. All I have is.... Me Be-ing That's all I can give Here I am One in a million.. Not like them... Very different Up up away....earth bound...hell no No limits All …

My Time Capsule: 12-30-2013

Sometimes one must be wise enough to force upon themselves heartache ; when well aware of circumstances and situations..that if persisted in..would later cause heartbreak. Of course, any ache is painful. But in reality, these bruises feel better much quicker; than the more intense, reluctant pain a break produces. Not to exclude, the more extensive …

My Time Capsule: 9-19-2013

I want to measure your stature, from within...what things are in your heart? What do you see within others, when you look deep enough to even try to perceive what lays beneath? I no longer want to stay focused on what only my eyes can see...I want to adjust my vision so that it can …

Just My Thoughts

I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So …

……

I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." …

World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.

I'm so tired of all these voices(nouns), asking something of me. I have nothing to give, be gone from me. I go to seek rest..and you come looking for me. There is no where to hide, here you come expecting more from me. I attempt to muffle your cries, but there is no smothering thee. …

Wow

I love Homilies | Evil is socially legitimated before the individual dares, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-56ist-674c815

Call it What You Must

Over the course of my life, mostly as an adolescent but also a few times as an adult; I've had others think I was seeking attention. Whether it be from my loudness, hyperactiveness, complaining, sobbing at church..whatever And though some of those behaviors may stem from some subconscious need to be heard and seen; they …

My F-d up Mind. I’m the one that has blinded eyes!!!! It is I!!!!!

We are all just a bunch of broken, f-d up people unwilling to change. So full of ourselves that we can't see the shit in us that needs weeded out..because we are too sure that our "enemy": republicans, democrats, men, women, gay, straight, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, that domination, his addiction, her greed, their lust, those …

Good Listen

I love Another Name For Every Thing with Richard Rohr | The Holy Spirit, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ei/pb-4dj6d-bb078b

Jesus and My Tantrum

So sometimes I have these scenes I go through with me and Jesus. And today(read previous post) is one of those days. In these scenes I am with Him and usually talking or resting in this house (see other posts on this of mine). Today though we are in my house and also another room. …

This Generation

I think we missed the mark when we made the mark to be striving for perfection; when it should be about being genuine: real to God, self, and others. We have created very good actors, but very shallow hearts. As long as societal deeds are met, the expectations of the church and others...we can go …

Wonderful! Good listen

I love TED Talks Daily | I grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church. Here's why I left | Megan Phelps-Roper, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-avy39-562bbbb

Without You

I don't like who I am, when I'm with you. And I'm not here to point any fingers, to push blame, or accuse. It may sound so...but those are not my intentions. I just need to breathe..the truth sets us free..and this is MY truth..how I see...me..you..us...we. I miss the old me. When all that's …

Rebel

I feel a need to rebel against the system All that the world tells me to be..it's invested interests. Consumerism..fueld by "new and innovative" inventions...to keep your subscription. I want to make my own damn decisions.. Long nails, high heels, name brand, fake tan, long hair don't care..this figure..that slender..thick chic..wide hips...shit is twisted. All …

Apologies

I've gotten better at apologising. It's not always been easy. But, it has gotten better. Something did hit me today concerning apologies though, and how I tend to go about them. There are many times I see the self centeredness in them. My apologies that is. I catch myself wanting to do it, because it …

Why Can’t I be Stonger?

I have come to moan. To have a pitty party. May I? Why can't I be stronger? Why can't I handle life like other's? I have many reasons life is hard, but I see others in similar situations making it. Or more! Killing it! Single motherhood or maybe just life, has the best of me. …

My Own Demons

You ain't the only one with demons screaming..threatening your reason... You ain't the only one who holds on tight to sanity..trying to prove to the rest of humanity..that you too can overcome this "wicked man in me". You think I like to bring pain ..like it's my sick game..and I just can't wait to get …

Shame VS Acceptance

I love Son of a Preacher Man | Shame, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-fh92v-5390a60

He Loves Your Ugly

I remember my last stent of darkness. Sadly is has been a familiar friend most of my life. But, it don't stick around like it use to..when The Light is here. When Jesus is welcomed. But there are times, when day becomes night again. Joy appears to be swallowed in fear...shame...insecurity..sin...giving up..and giving in. Hello..I'm …

Free Me

I wish I could simply...run away like you. To close my eyes and ears to all my problems...to shut myself in...and be alone. But it's more complicated than that. Unlike you, I have more than just myself...depending on me. More than just myself..to feed, bathe, clothe, house, teach, meet needs...keep alive. I can't give up …

F@*# It ALL..that’s how I feel today..and maybe I will tmrw too.

For the past half-decade and some, I've been trying to be it all. The very best I can. The example for Christ, the mother who understands, the friend who only sees the best in others, despite my thoughts telling me otherwise. The good sister, daughter, employee, citizen..you name it. I've been policing my every thought, …