I’ve Told you Before, I Don’t Know What it is, So you Title It.

Enter at your own risk, I'm lost in thought and have no script I think a lot, I'm prone to fits I've been fucked up, still at 36 I feel like Rogue, that X-Men chic I have to watch who I touch, who I open up with I mean well, but my mind is a … Continue reading I’ve Told you Before, I Don’t Know What it is, So you Title It.

You Cry, “Stop theΒ  Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?

You say, "make a change"; but where are you participating? With more than a voice? ............... I can tell you now, that the majority of violent crimes are committed by overwhelmed, misunderstood, lost and hopeless, misguided individuals. And I can tell you with confidence, that most every single one of those above said individuals, at … Continue reading You Cry, “Stop theΒ  Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?

The First Will Be Last πŸ€”

One good reason death to self, being last, self-sacrifice, and carrying ones cross; can all be symbolized by crucifixion..is because crucifixion is to the body, what self denial is to the ego. We will do anything before choosing to crush/insult ego. It is the most "excruciating" thing. We will even firmly believe our own reasonings … Continue reading The First Will Be Last πŸ€”

Consider Who… Yeah You. πŸ™‹πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

The only time we should consider others, is to ask ourselves, β€œwill it help them or hurt them?” This is the one single time we should allow others into our headspace. Other than that, I do not see any purpose or justification. For what is all other consideration and contemplating of another’s life, if it’s … Continue reading Consider Who… Yeah You. πŸ™‹πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. πŸ˜œπŸ€”πŸ€“πŸ€πŸ€‘πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜‡πŸ€£πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ’

I'm learning to not mind being as authentic as possible. As a gift to myself if anything. Being true to myself, my reality. Why lie to the crowd? Why be someone else or pretend I am keeping up with the Jane's and Jones's, when I'm really a hot mess? Why does wearing a painted mask … Continue reading Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. πŸ˜œπŸ€”πŸ€“πŸ€πŸ€‘πŸ˜ˆπŸ˜‡πŸ€£πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ’

Gang Banging in the Pews.

I see in myself this same pattern one finds when teens choose gangs. That longing for belonging, leadership, purpose. When the family unit does not seem to give what is needed or presumed needed, one ventures off to find it elsewhere. And though that elsewhere may not be healthy, the feeling of belonging and significance … Continue reading Gang Banging in the Pews.

Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?

As I sat here praying, I asked God what He felt about my interest in other spiritual leaders. Some of whom my old self would have considered heretical or wolves in sheep's clothing. Was it dangerous to my soul? Am I being led astray, along a winding path toward hell? Or is there also truth, … Continue reading Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?

πŸ‘€Awake Oh Sleeper!

I will say this, all the wrong attidudes and things I've condemned in others: greed, self-centeredness, gossip, accusations, pride, hypocrisy, lusts, materialism, comparison..you name it; I've likewise found in me. They may not manifest in the same ways or they might vary in degrees..but at their core, they are of the SAME spirit.

Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.

I have grown and learned more from struggle, than anything else in life. This is the paradox of suffering and want. It has made me more humane. It has forged within me more compassion and gratefulness, than any fine thing. It has opened my eyes to what really matters, and what things are just not … Continue reading Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.

Just My Thoughts

I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So … Continue reading Just My Thoughts

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I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." … Continue reading ……

World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.

I'm so tired of all these voices(nouns), asking something of me. I have nothing to give, be gone from me. I go to seek rest..and you come looking for me. There is no where to hide, here you come expecting more from me. I attempt to muffle your cries, but there is no smothering thee. … Continue reading World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.

Call it What You Must

Over the course of my life, mostly as an adolescent but also a few times as an adult; I've had others think I was seeking attention. Whether it be from my loudness, hyperactiveness, complaining, sobbing at church..whatever And though some of those behaviors may stem from some subconscious need to be heard and seen; they … Continue reading Call it What You Must

Jesus and My Tantrum

So sometimes I have these scenes I go through with me and Jesus. And today(read previous post) is one of those days. In these scenes I am with Him and usually talking or resting in this house (see other posts on this of mine). Today though we are in my house and also another room. … Continue reading Jesus and My Tantrum

Apologies

I've gotten better at apologising. It's not always been easy. But, it has gotten better. Something did hit me today concerning apologies though, and how I tend to go about them. There are many times I see the self centeredness in them. My apologies that is. I catch myself wanting to do it, because it … Continue reading Apologies

Why Can’t I be Stonger?

I have come to moan. To have a pitty party. May I? Why can't I be stronger? Why can't I handle life like other's? I have many reasons life is hard, but I see others in similar situations making it. Or more! Killing it! Single motherhood or maybe just life, has the best of me. … Continue reading Why Can’t I be Stonger?

My Own Demons

You ain't the only one with demons screaming..threatening your reason... You ain't the only one who holds on tight to sanity..trying to prove to the rest of humanity..that you too can overcome this "wicked man in me". You think I like to bring pain ..like it's my sick game..and I just can't wait to get … Continue reading My Own Demons

He Loves Your Ugly

I remember my last stent of darkness. Sadly is has been a familiar friend most of my life. But, it don't stick around like it use to..when The Light is here. When Jesus is welcomed. But there are times, when day becomes night again. Joy appears to be swallowed in fear...shame...insecurity..sin...giving up..and giving in. Hello..I'm … Continue reading He Loves Your Ugly

Free Me

I wish I could simply...run away like you. To close my eyes and ears to all my problems...to shut myself in...and be alone. But it's more complicated than that. Unlike you, I have more than just myself...depending on me. More than just myself..to feed, bathe, clothe, house, teach, meet needs...keep alive. I can't give up … Continue reading Free Me

F@*# It ALL..that’s how I feel today..and maybe I will tmrw too.

For the past half-decade and some, I've been trying to be it all. The very best I can. The example for Christ, the mother who understands, the friend who only sees the best in others, despite my thoughts telling me otherwise. The good sister, daughter, employee, citizen..you name it. I've been policing my every thought, … Continue reading F@*# It ALL..that’s how I feel today..and maybe I will tmrw too.