Within the Abyss

Oh dark heart, what shall it take to keep you tame? So many fresh starts, good intentions and hope filled predictions. So many efforts and attempts to be kinder and brighter, only to plummet to your deepest descents again. Should this be called a war within? Or better yet, a striving against? Oh vain attempts. … Continue reading Within the Abyss

An Epilogue to The Past Several Years Pains; a Prayer more Hopeful, in that I desire to Be.

I lay here, waiting for sleep. To replenish, much needed energy. And quite unlike the last several years pleas, for the Earth to receive me, to hasten my travels beyond mortals hell (earth). I sense God/Source/Love and Light; (all "names" suffice, for what is in a name, but the very Essence that actually defines it?) … Continue reading An Epilogue to The Past Several Years Pains; a Prayer more Hopeful, in that I desire to Be.

Consciousness: Notes To Self.

What consciousness (conscious awareness) is not: Not being in the present moment, but lost in thoughts of the past or worries of the future. Pondering and analyzing any and everything, that is not needed in that exact moment. Reacting, rather than responding. Being possessed by your emotional triggers; they being what drives you rather than … Continue reading Consciousness: Notes To Self.

Reason and Passion: Khalil Gibran (The Prophet)

“And the priestess spoke again and said: Speak to us of Reason and Passion. And he answered, saying: Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite. Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord … Continue reading Reason and Passion: Khalil Gibran (The Prophet)

You Need Me. Sincerely, Solitude.

In solitude, we see more clearly. "We live in an extremely externalized culture," Moore says. "We are constantly pulled outside ourselves—by other people, by the media, by the demands of daily life. Nothing in our culture or in our education teaches us how to go inward, how to steady the mind and calm our attention. … Continue reading You Need Me. Sincerely, Solitude.

What He Said: Thich Nhat Hanh (Noticing The Synchronicities in Everyday Life 😊).

I find it exciting, hopeful, and as the following excerpts say, like rebirth and renewal, when I come across the same themes very close together within a short amount of time. This has been happening to me for years now, and it can be very encouraging and confirming. Particularly when you are on your own … Continue reading What He Said: Thich Nhat Hanh (Noticing The Synchronicities in Everyday Life 😊).

Spirituality, Knowledge, and Experience

There is little use, and much futilely, in gaining mental knowledge and the possession of concepts; without practice. All knowledge, the teaching and learning of spiritual things are solely to lead one to the experience of said spiritual things. It is the presence of, that counts; that ultimately frees and liberates ones soul. The presence … Continue reading Spirituality, Knowledge, and Experience

Do You Build Your Life Around Your Authentic Self or our Cultures Expectations and Ideals?

For me, I don't want to live by the "rules" and expectations of a society steeped in greed, materialism, consumerism, and so forth. I want my spirit to lead me. I have to realize what I do for others, VS what I do for myself. And when it comes to a lot of things most … Continue reading Do You Build Your Life Around Your Authentic Self or our Cultures Expectations and Ideals?

Peace Within, Peace Without: Know Thyself First…

“Our capacity to make peace with another person and with the world depends very much on our capacity to make peace with ourselves. If we are at war with our parents, our family, our society, or our church, there is probably a war going on inside us also, so the most basic work for peace … Continue reading Peace Within, Peace Without: Know Thyself First…

Disturbances (Reflections after reading a chapter of The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer).

If any energy is disturbing us; it is disturbing us alone. In the sense that, only our energy matters to us at the moment. We feel it and are effected by it first and for most. We should not try to control or correct what we believe is causing us disturbance; but rather learn to … Continue reading Disturbances (Reflections after reading a chapter of The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer).

Today: Heaven is…(need to edit still)

The Kingdom of Heaven, starts with YOU. You see, that mustard seed, that grain of wheat..is YOU. We want to see the harvest. We want to see the progress. We want to reach the masses, not realizing..death is in letting go..of all those expectations and ego boosters. That seed(beginning/new way/new life) is first buried. Unseen. … Continue reading Today: Heaven is…(need to edit still)

You Cry, “Stop the  Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?

You say, "make a change"; but where are you participating? With more than a voice? ............... I can tell you now, that the majority of violent crimes are committed by overwhelmed, misunderstood, lost and hopeless, misguided individuals. And I can tell you with confidence, that most every single one of those above said individuals, at … Continue reading You Cry, “Stop the  Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?

The First Will Be Last 🤔

One good reason death to self, being last, self-sacrifice, and carrying ones cross; can all be symbolized by crucifixion..is because crucifixion is to the body, what self denial is to the ego. We will do anything before choosing to crush/insult ego. It is the most "excruciating" thing. We will even firmly believe our own reasonings … Continue reading The First Will Be Last 🤔

The Right Thing is….

All that we need to do, is the RIGHT thing. Not fight to avoid the sinful things, and adhere to all the religious ones. But, quite oneself and be willing to ask what the right thing is, in any given circumstance, situation, or season. All have been given an answer. Our inner voice/soul/connection to God. … Continue reading The Right Thing is….

BE ? Who are You and How?

You are what you eat , fuel and feed. Watch what you speak and consider how you see. Tis true, mind what you sow; every tiny, little seed. It all reproduces..be it green trees or tangled weeds Flowing rivers or dried up streams. Some give life, some cause death. It takes residence in your heart, … Continue reading BE ? Who are You and How?

Life, Light and Love.

Does it give life? Restore? Heal? Protect? Shed warm, revealing, gentle light? Are the followers of any particular path fostering life, light, and love? Are they moving more and more towards it? Are they at peace, is it easy to be in their presence? What do their words and lifestyles speak of? Are they moving … Continue reading Life, Light and Love.

Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. 😜🤔🤓🤐🤡😈😇🤣😬😬😬😬💁

I'm learning to not mind being as authentic as possible. As a gift to myself if anything. Being true to myself, my reality. Why lie to the crowd? Why be someone else or pretend I am keeping up with the Jane's and Jones's, when I'm really a hot mess? Why does wearing a painted mask … Continue reading Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. 😜🤔🤓🤐🤡😈😇🤣😬😬😬😬💁

Gang Banging in the Pews.

I see in myself this same pattern one finds when teens choose gangs. That longing for belonging, leadership, purpose. When the family unit does not seem to give what is needed or presumed needed, one ventures off to find it elsewhere. And though that elsewhere may not be healthy, the feeling of belonging and significance … Continue reading Gang Banging in the Pews.

I don’t Know What This Is

God, often I wonder what you think of me, Cuz I know what I think of me. And lately I've been fighting, some demons and it's frightening. Too much thinking in the night time, in the morning nothing looks right. Legendary Abstract Who's to say? She's all that! Broken homes, too many fights Booze and … Continue reading I don’t Know What This Is

Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?

As I sat here praying, I asked God what He felt about my interest in other spiritual leaders. Some of whom my old self would have considered heretical or wolves in sheep's clothing. Was it dangerous to my soul? Am I being led astray, along a winding path toward hell? Or is there also truth, … Continue reading Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?

👀Awake Oh Sleeper!

I will say this, all the wrong attidudes and things I've condemned in others: greed, self-centeredness, gossip, accusations, pride, hypocrisy, lusts, materialism, comparison..you name it; I've likewise found in me. They may not manifest in the same ways or they might vary in degrees..but at their core, they are of the SAME spirit.

Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.

I have grown and learned more from struggle, than anything else in life. This is the paradox of suffering and want. It has made me more humane. It has forged within me more compassion and gratefulness, than any fine thing. It has opened my eyes to what really matters, and what things are just not … Continue reading Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.

Karma Sowing Seed

I've come along way from where I was, and I'm still very much undone. One of the many lessons I've been experiencing over the last few years, is the principle of sowing and reaping, or what some call karma. And I have found it very much alive and well! The unexpected thing I've found though, … Continue reading Karma Sowing Seed

Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones)

If I wanted all of that..best believe I'd make it happen If I needed that ...cash is what I'd be after You see it's not poverty or depravity that has a hold on me But I'm after something that transcends all that's relevant to these earthly chics I need a little more depth to my … Continue reading Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones)

Considering My Ailments lol

I can't really put into words what anxiety and depression(whatever really inflicts me) are like. Torment is close. An agitation deep within..like being poked with a pointy finger over and over again...but beneath your chest..where ones emotions rest... Or a pingpong ball pinging rapidly throughout me. Bouncing off one side, to the next..this way and … Continue reading Considering My Ailments lol

My God

If there is one thing I can say with full conscience confidence.. Is that I have saught You diligently. Like the Hound Of Heaven in my own sense..I've been in pursuit of You.. I have been discouraged, but never forsaken. I've been mistaken, but You never have left me. I may have been blinded, but … Continue reading My God

High Times. Unconscious Rhyming

Can I lose my mind for some time? What if I lost all self-control for a bit? What would you think of ya chic? If I decided to get real legit..100..per cent..I don't think they ready for this See they ain't neva considered this kind of sublime...it's so unlike...all they've ever witnessed.. Lost minds.. They … Continue reading High Times. Unconscious Rhyming

Just My Thoughts

I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So … Continue reading Just My Thoughts

……

I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." … Continue reading ……

This Kind of Tired.

This is the kind of tired that lays down in a ball and can't get up.. That has no more energy to think...to function...to keep up with it all.. This is a kind of tired that gives up caring...that gives up This is the kind of tired that have sent many to end their own … Continue reading This Kind of Tired.

Call it What You Must

Over the course of my life, mostly as an adolescent but also a few times as an adult; I've had others think I was seeking attention. Whether it be from my loudness, hyperactiveness, complaining, sobbing at church..whatever And though some of those behaviors may stem from some subconscious need to be heard and seen; they … Continue reading Call it What You Must

Jesus and My Tantrum

So sometimes I have these scenes I go through with me and Jesus. And today(read previous post) is one of those days. In these scenes I am with Him and usually talking or resting in this house (see other posts on this of mine). Today though we are in my house and also another room. … Continue reading Jesus and My Tantrum

Life Today.

I hate myself today..and other days. I feel like a contradiction. The person I want to be, the mask I want others to see...then in private I can be..this person I despise. I am a complaining mess. Raging. Tired..sleep deprived wreck. Can't keep up. Not with the Jones's..I have no desire to fulfill my life … Continue reading Life Today.

My Struggle with Mental Illness.

I would say my biggest discouragement/hurt when it comes to battling mental illness(depression, anxiety, presumed BPD); has been getting others to understand or even believe me. Unlike physical ailments that can be more readily diagnosed and recognized by the layman; this stuff is not so. It cannot be X-rayed, tested, put in a petri dish, … Continue reading My Struggle with Mental Illness.

Who do you say that I am?

Life has been crazy for me lately. Possibly more on the inside of me than anything; the outside chaos is just the product. Really though, I've been in self-pity mode. Crying "mercy", as if life has me pinned to the ground, arm contorted behind my back. I am in that run mode. Flight..screw the fight..it's … Continue reading Who do you say that I am?

Jesus and The Map

I sit back praying and asking Jesus about this map that I seen while in prayer a while back(see previous post); and this is the insight I've gained: The map in a sense, represents the world. Or one's quest to understand the world. And the things on the map represent life: the "stops" along the … Continue reading Jesus and The Map