Consumed and preoccupied with who the messenger is, we forget the message Itself. Upon receiving a gift or a letter, what are you looking for? For what do you await? Is it the deliverer of the package, or the envelope itself? Why no, for even the fanciest of coverings or containers would not be what … Continue reading The Message and The Messenger
Tag: life
Religion and Spirituality
"Religion asks you to learn from the experience of others. Spirituality urges you to seek your own. Religion cannot stand Spirituality. It cannot abide it. For Spirituality may bring you to a different conclusion than a particular religion-- and this no known religion can tolerate." ~Neale Donald Walsch; Conversations with God, An Uncommon Dialogue, Book … Continue reading Religion and Spirituality
Vultures and a Carcass
Sometimes I feel like everyone needs something of me, and in this mind, these hands, there's just nothing left to give. Every single family member I have, is so detrimentally unstable, literally on the verge of collapse. Sometimes I wish someone would just carry me for once; I can no longer lift. I'm surrounded by … Continue reading Vultures and a Carcass
Every and All
I see Life, Spirit, Light, Love in everyone. You can no longer persuade me, that "God" resides in thought alone and not Spirit. Not Essence. That God is confined to form, to words, to mortal mans conceptions. That Spirit is imprisoned to Nation, Tribe, Ideology, Language, Gender, Race, Region, Religion, or Theory. That one's mind … Continue reading Every and All
We are Creators
" You can choose to be a person who has resulted simply from what has happened, or from what you've chosen to be and do about what has happened." ~Neale Donald Walsch; Conversations with God, an Uncommon Dialogue.
Within the Abyss
Oh dark heart, what shall it take to keep you tame? So many fresh starts, good intentions and hope filled predictions. So many efforts and attempts to be kinder and brighter, only to plummet to your deepest descents again. Should this be called a war within? Or better yet, a striving against? Oh vain attempts. … Continue reading Within the Abyss
Yin And Yang
https://youtu.be/oQgogYmjI5w No pain, no birth; some sages say. Aches and pains, strength and growth. When fire, there is smoke. Liberty after chains Hmmm, say it again... And when I look back and I think of it; that's exactly how it's forever went. Angels and Heretics Heaven and Apocalypse Fancy men and lunatics Honesty and Politics … Continue reading Yin And Yang
An Epilogue to The Past Several Years Pains; a Prayer more Hopeful, in that I desire to Be.
I lay here, waiting for sleep. To replenish, much needed energy. And quite unlike the last several years pleas, for the Earth to receive me, to hasten my travels beyond mortals hell (earth). I sense God/Source/Love and Light (all names suffice, for what is in a name, but the very Essence that actually defines it?) … Continue reading An Epilogue to The Past Several Years Pains; a Prayer more Hopeful, in that I desire to Be.
Missing the Mark…
"There are no coincidences in the universe. I have heard the crying of your heart. I have seen the searching of your soul. I know how deeply you have desired Truth. In pain have you called out for it, and in joy. Unendingly have you beseeched Me. Show Myself. Explain Myself. Reveal Myself. .... Let … Continue reading Missing the Mark…
Of Tithes( What I Give/Dish) and Truth.
God, Source, Love and Light, I'm realizing all I can give you, is solely my truth. Even when it's ugly, Let not my kind actions and words be nothing's; forced, fraudulent attempt's to prove something. Let me not lie to myself, when my outward ways are brighter than my thoughts and feelings. May I be … Continue reading Of Tithes( What I Give/Dish) and Truth.
Break the Norms
"Too many souls suffer the disillusionment that comes from following a destiny that is not their own. Instead of waking up joyful and energized, many of us feel like robots, pushing forward like a machine to keep life going. We feel traped by our commitments and lost without material things we believe we must have. … Continue reading Break the Norms
Nighttime Reflections
If I could go back in time and change anything, it would be, to be more consciously present. Conscious of every moment, of every memory created. Conscious of every word spoken and small act taken. Present with my children mostly, and family and friend. There with them, not ruminating within. More than any other thing, … Continue reading Nighttime Reflections
Clay and Seeds
The clay does not inquire of itself, what it will be. And neither must it ask another. It need not be told what it is too become. The clay simply is. It suffers through. It does nothing, but be. It thinks not. But is. And allows itself, to be done. The seed, it does not … Continue reading Clay and Seeds
So You Want to be a Writer:
youtu.be/gn5dYPMSjaY
Seeker of Silences
“A seeker of silences am I, and what treasure have I found in silences that I may dispense with confidence?” ~Kahlil Gibran: The Prophet
Daily Pondering’s
I am my happiest self; When I am my authentic self.
The Essential Nature of Things:
I AM & IT IS
What He Said: Alan Watts
youtu.be/HdIzhBai35c
Self-Knowledge:
“And a man said, Speak to us of Self-Knowledge. And he answered, saying: Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and nights. (Our spirits know what we long to understand. Our Spirit is aware, though we may physically not be.) But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge. (We … Continue reading Self-Knowledge:
Slow
Time slows down, when you slow down with it.
Stillness asks Me
Stillness asks me, as a reach for my phone, the remote, a book, for anything to fill the stillness. “When will you listen?” Stillness reminds me, that now is the perfect time. In this moment, when nothing is there to distract. Unless I allow it. And stillness whispers, “ will you listen?”
Introspection
When I look honestly enough, I see the same shit in myself, that I judge and point at others for. They sometimes may be on different spectrums or manifesting differently, these attributes. Yet in essence they are one. At core level, they are the same.
Consciousness: Notes To Self.
What consciousness (conscious awareness) is not: Not being in the present moment, but lost in thoughts of the past or worries of the future. Pondering and analyzing any and everything, that is not needed in that exact moment. Reacting, rather than responding. Being possessed by your emotional triggers; they being what drives you rather than … Continue reading Consciousness: Notes To Self.
Sadhguru Thoughts and Emotions
“Whatever your thought process or emotional process may be, it is just local gossip, very localized to you. Enjoy it if it is nice, but don’t believe it.”
Puzzles and Pieces
Why hold fast to one piece of the puzzle; when there are still so many to piece together ? Why not put the piece aside? Many times, with puzzles, mysteries~ you find that the pieces you have don’t fit quite right, or you can’t find their proper place. And you will find, that if you … Continue reading Puzzles and Pieces
Soul and Mind
How often I’ve mistaken my mind for my heart(soul), and vice-versa. How often they’ve told me my mind was the way; but my heart could not be trusted. How often I’ve listened to the deliberations and patterns of my conditioned mind While silencing my soul when it spoke of love, While tying down my heart … Continue reading Soul and Mind
Reason and Passion: Khalil Gibran (The Prophet)
“And the priestess spoke again and said: Speak to us of Reason and Passion. And he answered, saying: Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite. Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord … Continue reading Reason and Passion: Khalil Gibran (The Prophet)
Finding Beauty in Brokeness – Pointless Overthinking
Finding Beauty in Brokeness - Pointless Overthinking — Read on pointlessoverthinking.com/2022/07/30/finding-beauty-in-brokeness/
Life
Sometimes, I find hope in the fact that, someday this will all be over. Sometimes, that is all I look forward to. And the hope that, I will never have to come back and “try” this again.
Thoughts and Emotions
You’ve gave me your thoughts, Now give me your feelings. You’ve held not back your words, questions and attempts to rummage for meanings… So don’t choke out emotions, meant to find freedom. The mind is plagued, by so many somethings. The heart suppressed, unable to breathe, really. Let go, of all those deeply held felt … Continue reading Thoughts and Emotions
Dealing With Difficult People and Relationships
Moments and Intuitions
You must be in the moment, to discern what that exact moment needs. Tomorrows moment, may not be the moment one imagined today; nor is yesterdays moment here to ever relive.
Todays and Years Longings
More than anything, I just long for time alone. Stillness, silence, solitude. And for several years now, this is the very thing that constantly eludes me. I cry for her. I rage for her. I thirst, I starve, malnourished. Needed to be fed, by nothing. Empty bliss. No distractions or disruptions. No voices, nor noises. … Continue reading Todays and Years Longings
You Need Me. Sincerely, Solitude.
In solitude, we see more clearly. "We live in an extremely externalized culture," Moore says. "We are constantly pulled outside ourselves—by other people, by the media, by the demands of daily life. Nothing in our culture or in our education teaches us how to go inward, how to steady the mind and calm our attention. … Continue reading You Need Me. Sincerely, Solitude.
How to Find Time for Yourself
Finding time for yourself can be as important as it is challenging. Here are some proven strategies for fitting more personal time into your schedule. — Read on http://www.verywellmind.com/how-and-why-to-find-time-for-yourself-3144757
What He Said: Thich Nhat Hanh (Noticing The Synchronicities in Everyday Life 😊).
I find it exciting, hopeful, and as the following excerpts say, like rebirth and renewal, when I come across the same themes very close together within a short amount of time. This has been happening to me for years now, and it can be very encouraging and confirming. Particularly when you are on your own … Continue reading What He Said: Thich Nhat Hanh (Noticing The Synchronicities in Everyday Life 😊).
Instinct and Intellect
Excerpt taken from, The Tao of Pooh; by Benjamin Hoff. Reflecting on a riddle called Cottleston Pie; Pooh and the narrator dig deeper into the riddle: “Why does a chicken do what it does? You don’t know? Neither do we. Neither does anyone else. Science likes to strut around and Act Smart by putting labels … Continue reading Instinct and Intellect
What He Said: Alan Watts
“To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.”
Spirituality, Knowledge, and Experience
There is little use, and much futilely, in gaining mental knowledge and the possession of concepts; without practice. All knowledge, the teaching and learning of spiritual things are solely to lead one to the experience of said spiritual things. It is the presence of, that counts; that ultimately frees and liberates ones soul. The presence … Continue reading Spirituality, Knowledge, and Experience
Do You Build Your Life Around Your Authentic Self or our Cultures Expectations and Ideals?
For me, I don't want to live by the "rules" and expectations of a society steeped in greed, materialism, consumerism, and so forth. I want my spirit to lead me. I have to realize what I do for others, VS what I do for myself. And when it comes to a lot of things most … Continue reading Do You Build Your Life Around Your Authentic Self or our Cultures Expectations and Ideals?
Words Of Wisdom
Minimizing Suffering
“We can quickly conjure up a hell realm of negativity in our minds that multiples the stress of the actual event, by ten times or even more. Part of the art of suffering well is learning not to magnify our pain by getting carried away in fear, anger, and despair. We build and maintain our … Continue reading Minimizing Suffering
What He(Thich Nhat Hanh) Said.
“We often think of peace as the absence of war, that if the powerful countries would reduce their weapon arsenals, we could have peace. But if we look deeply into the weapons, we see our own minds- our prejudices, fears, and ignorance. Even if we transport all the bombs to the moon, the roots of … Continue reading What He(Thich Nhat Hanh) Said.
The Pull
“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” ~Rumi quotes on love and life
Peace Within, Peace Without: Know Thyself First…
“Our capacity to make peace with another person and with the world depends very much on our capacity to make peace with ourselves. If we are at war with our parents, our family, our society, or our church, there is probably a war going on inside us also, so the most basic work for peace … Continue reading Peace Within, Peace Without: Know Thyself First…
Grace and Humility
I must remember; that everyone has their gifts, just as they have their torments. Everyone has their light, just as also, some darkness. All have their season. In it or out. To change and wrestle. To learn and grow. What I have escaped and lived through, seen and heard; another may have done so long … Continue reading Grace and Humility
Drama and Identity
"Most people are in love with their particular life drama. Their story is their identity. The ego runs their life. They have their whole sense of self invested in it. Even their ---usually unsuccessful---search for an answer, a solution, or for healing becomes part of it. What they fear and resist most is the end … Continue reading Drama and Identity
State of the Heart
You will find the world ready to mourn with you; And when it’s time to celebrate; you will find out who really wants you happy.
Disturbances (Reflections after reading a chapter of The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer).
If any energy is disturbing us; it is disturbing us alone. In the sense that, only our energy matters to us at the moment. We feel it and are effected by it first and for most. We should not try to control or correct what we believe is causing us disturbance; but rather learn to … Continue reading Disturbances (Reflections after reading a chapter of The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer).
This Thought
When we finally believe something. As true. We will no longer need to defend it. Defense, like a self preservation agent, is primal. Fear based. Defending is like implying we must protect it. But what is known to be true; need not be lost. Defended. Or protected. It sits still. It needs not object. It … Continue reading This Thought
Hello No!?
youtube.com/watch
Understand
What people don’t seem to understand about suicide, is that it’s not that people want to die. They just don’t want to live.... “ like this.” And I guarantee, most if not all who do, fought a very , very, very good fight before becoming tired of that fight. Just as much as some people … Continue reading Understand
Watch “Living in SURVIVAL vs. Living in CREATION – Dr. Joe Dispenza” on YouTube
Watch “Psychosis or Spiritual Awakening: Phil Borges at TEDxUMKC” on YouTube
Pondering
The Western Church is so stuck in head knowledge. We fear the "heart" and yet use only a few verses to back up our reasons. Maybe not knowing in Jewish thought, the heart had a lot more to do with our mind and thinking; than our intuition, the center where we at times feel something … Continue reading Pondering
Tonight
Am I exposing to many truths, like ego self abuse? Or is this what really is 100 proof? I’ve found there is release in mentioning all my many many tragedies..even if many are actually quite stigmatizing and possibly embarrassing 💁🏻🙈 But shit, it is what is, and this is my fucking reality. At times it’s … Continue reading Tonight
Kid Rock
youtu.be/0DQup4hd1_o
Today
How do I find help, Without time for myself? People are under vast amounts of stress, in who knows what particular areas... it’s all personal, contingent upon so much. Those that need help, have to find methods that work well for them, and then be consistent and also make time for it. Who has time … Continue reading Today
Jordan Peterson on Anxiety
youtu.be/XVxqETmS3M8
What Really Is …
mywonderingsoul.com/2019/08/19/within/
Today
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whome this "emotion" is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder, or stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. His eyes are closed. ~Albert Einstein
Watch “TAOISM | The Philosophy Of Flow” on YouTube
Today: Heaven is…(need to edit still)
The Kingdom of Heaven, starts with YOU. You see, that mustard seed, that grain of wheat..is YOU. We want to see the harvest. We want to see the progress. We want to reach the masses, not realizing..death is in letting go..of all those expectations and ego boosters. That seed(beginning/new way/new life) is first buried. Unseen. … Continue reading Today: Heaven is…(need to edit still)
Church, God and White and Brown Folks.
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-bible-for-normal-people/id1215420422
Watch “Can We Trust Our Feelings and Intuition?” on YouTube
You Cry, “Stop the Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?
You say, "make a change"; but where are you participating? With more than a voice? ............... I can tell you now, that the majority of violent crimes are committed by overwhelmed, misunderstood, lost and hopeless, misguided individuals. And I can tell you with confidence, that most every single one of those above said individuals, at … Continue reading You Cry, “Stop the Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?
Today..
Learning, that you have to hear first; in order to speak your turn. (Let that speak to you how you want. 🤔)~Sam
Ponderings
One may be quite surprised at how clearly and often He speaks, when man made interferences, distractions, and clutter are eliminated from daily life. We make it mundane.
The First Will Be Last 🤔
One good reason death to self, being last, self-sacrifice, and carrying ones cross; can all be symbolized by crucifixion..is because crucifixion is to the body, what self denial is to the ego. We will do anything before choosing to crush/insult ego. It is the most "excruciating" thing. We will even firmly believe our own reasonings … Continue reading The First Will Be Last 🤔
The Stages of Spiritual Growth: Falling Upward with Richard Rohr
Love Like Jesus: The First Will Be Last.
We've been conditioned into subconsciously always asking ourselves, "how can I be first?", in any given situation. It comes natural. We aren't even aware of it typically. Begin to practice asking yourself, "how can I be last?"; and you'll soon realize how self interested, you really are.
The Right Thing is….
All that we need to do, is the RIGHT thing. Not fight to avoid the sinful things, and adhere to all the religious ones. But, quite oneself and be willing to ask what the right thing is, in any given circumstance, situation, or season. All have been given an answer. Our inner voice/soul/connection to God. … Continue reading The Right Thing is….
Wow! NDE.
Wisdom and Reformation
Wisdom is being able to separate the essentials from the non-essentials~Richard Rohr
Omg yes ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🤺
music.apple.com/us/album/round-and-round/1472967284
#Repeat 😍🥰
music.apple.com/us/album/one-man-band/1476032694
Interesting: Rethinking Life after Death
youtu.be/rZC6tbgpsl4
I Ain’t Never Heard a Better Explanation of My Current Life in a Nutshell 💁🏻♀️
BE ? Who are You and How?
You are what you eat , fuel and feed. Watch what you speak and consider how you see. Tis true, mind what you sow; every tiny, little seed. It all reproduces..be it green trees or tangled weeds Flowing rivers or dried up streams. Some give life, some cause death. It takes residence in your heart, … Continue reading BE ? Who are You and How?
Tonight
Mama said it took the edge off So I went and got a bottle, poured a glass and partook until the pain within my head was quieted, and the days looked brighter up ahead. Mama was right..as she had said.
Life, Light and Love.
Does it give life? Restore? Heal? Protect? Shed warm, revealing, gentle light? Are the followers of any particular path fostering life, light, and love? Are they moving more and more towards it? Are they at peace, is it easy to be in their presence? What do their words and lifestyles speak of? Are they moving … Continue reading Life, Light and Love.
Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. 😜🤔🤓🤐🤡😈😇🤣😬😬😬😬💁
I'm learning to not mind being as authentic as possible. As a gift to myself if anything. Being true to myself, my reality. Why lie to the crowd? Why be someone else or pretend I am keeping up with the Jane's and Jones's, when I'm really a hot mess? Why does wearing a painted mask … Continue reading Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. 😜🤔🤓🤐🤡😈😇🤣😬😬😬😬💁
Gang Banging in the Pews.
I see in myself this same pattern one finds when teens choose gangs. That longing for belonging, leadership, purpose. When the family unit does not seem to give what is needed or presumed needed, one ventures off to find it elsewhere. And though that elsewhere may not be healthy, the feeling of belonging and significance … Continue reading Gang Banging in the Pews.
I don’t Know What This Is
God, often I wonder what you think of me, Cuz I know what I think of me. And lately I've been fighting, some demons and it's frightening. Too much thinking in the night time, in the morning nothing looks right. Legendary Abstract Who's to say? She's all that! Broken homes, too many fights Booze and … Continue reading I don’t Know What This Is
Wow Just Wow. Deep. True. Honest. Life.”The Lumineers Parts 1-10″ on YouTube
Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?
As I sat here praying, I asked God what He felt about my interest in other spiritual leaders. Some of whom my old self would have considered heretical or wolves in sheep's clothing. Was it dangerous to my soul? Am I being led astray, along a winding path toward hell? Or is there also truth, … Continue reading Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?
Watch “Gabor Mate’s short-lecture about ‘being self-disconnect'” on YouTube
What Does it Mean to be Fully Human? 😭😭❤❤❤
Haven’t Slept it Away in Many Years. (When sleep is desired over the ache of being awake.)
Oh shit, I'm here again. Where I wait all day for sleep to begin, because that's the only time the misery ends.
Oh Shit! You mean I Can’t be a Hero?
I love Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s) | Aw Shit! Ya mean I can't be a hero? -Richard Rohr, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-zvdfv-c4c9fc
Money Money Money! Money! 💸
I love Homilies | Money, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-dznzz-6d93315
👀Awake Oh Sleeper!
I will say this, all the wrong attidudes and things I've condemned in others: greed, self-centeredness, gossip, accusations, pride, hypocrisy, lusts, materialism, comparison..you name it; I've likewise found in me. They may not manifest in the same ways or they might vary in degrees..but at their core, they are of the SAME spirit.
Social Media
To me, social media means neglecting and missing out on all things meaningful and valuable, In exchange for all things superficial and empty. Those people and moments I neglect, For strangers and white washed tall tales of happiness. My children looking to me for acceptance and approval, While I scroll for the world's...👍
Daily Meditations Archives — Center for Action and Contemplation
Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.
I have grown and learned more from struggle, than anything else in life. This is the paradox of suffering and want. It has made me more humane. It has forged within me more compassion and gratefulness, than any fine thing. It has opened my eyes to what really matters, and what things are just not … Continue reading Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.
Karma Sowing Seed
I've come along way from where I was, and I'm still very much undone. One of the many lessons I've been experiencing over the last few years, is the principle of sowing and reaping, or what some call karma. And I have found it very much alive and well! The unexpected thing I've found though, … Continue reading Karma Sowing Seed
Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones)
I'm after something that transcends all that's relevant to these earthly chics I need a little more depth to my step..and ya'll is super culture-sick..after the same old shit and too anxious to get it Never satisfied with your piece of the pie, gossip, shopping, club hopping, nail spots and still left feeling like you're … Continue reading Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones)
9-20-2019
Will you love me in my brokenness When I have nothing else to give but these moments in... Conversations and contemplation...about what life is.. All I have is.... Me Be-ing That's all I can give Here I am One in a million.. Not like them... Very different Up up away....earth bound...hell no No limits All … Continue reading 9-20-2019
Considering My Ailments lol
I can't really put into words what anxiety and depression(whatever really inflicts me) are like. Torment is close. An agitation deep within..like being poked with a pointy finger over and over again...but beneath your chest..where ones emotions rest... Or a pingpong ball pinging rapidly throughout me. Bouncing off one side, to the next..this way and … Continue reading Considering My Ailments lol
High Tides…Thinking in Writing
God give me a kind heart, cuz this world has gave me a hard heart. Make me what Thou art, cuz I've created a monster..trying to do my part. I thought I was able..qualified and faithful.. Wanted to prove to You and the people..I was solid...no problems.. But life tends to, knock knock knock you … Continue reading High Tides…Thinking in Writing
My Time Capsule: 12-30-2013
Sometimes one must be wise enough to force upon themselves heartache ; when well aware of circumstances and situations..that if persisted in..would later cause heartbreak. Of course, any ache is painful. But in reality, these bruises feel better much quicker; than the more intense, reluctant pain a break produces. Not to exclude, the more extensive … Continue reading My Time Capsule: 12-30-2013
My God
If there is one thing I can say with full conscience confidence.. Is that I have saught You diligently. Like the Hound Of Heaven in my own sense..I've been in pursuit of You.. I have been discouraged, but never forsaken. I've been mistaken, but You never have left me. I may have been blinded, but … Continue reading My God
High Times. Unconscious Rhyming
Can I lose my mind for some time? What if I lost all self-control for a bit? What would you think of ya chic? If I decided to get real legit..100..per cent..I don't think they ready for this See they ain't neva considered this kind of sublime...it's so unlike...all they've ever witnessed.. Lost minds.. They … Continue reading High Times. Unconscious Rhyming
My Time Capsule: 9-19-2013
I want to measure your stature, from within...what things are in your heart? What do you see within others, when you look deep enough to even try to perceive what lays beneath? I no longer want to stay focused on what only my eyes can see...I want to adjust my vision so that it can … Continue reading My Time Capsule: 9-19-2013
Shark Attacks and Poverty
Am I wrong for being pissed off and resentful for the news covering anything but real life most the time? Like for months I've heard stories of people ate by sharks and those who've died ontop mountains...attacked by wild animals.. And this is sad. These are peoples lives...people matter..all people. But these are people that … Continue reading Shark Attacks and Poverty
Just My Thoughts
I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So … Continue reading Just My Thoughts
……
I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." … Continue reading ……
….Awake
One thing I've learned about the establishment of organised religion: they give up on you, way before you give up on them. You can reach out to them in various forms. But they give up on you, before you do them. You keep writing..they stop responding. You have made it known that you are in … Continue reading ….Awake
This Kind of Tired.
This is the kind of tired that lays down in a ball and can't get up.. That has no more energy to think...to function...to keep up with it all.. This is a kind of tired that gives up caring...that gives up This is the kind of tired that have sent many to end their own … Continue reading This Kind of Tired.
Wow
I love Homilies | Evil is socially legitimated before the individual dares, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-56ist-674c815
Call it What You Must
Over the course of my life, mostly as an adolescent but also a few times as an adult; I've had others think I was seeking attention. Whether it be from my loudness, hyperactiveness, complaining, sobbing at church..whatever And though some of those behaviors may stem from some subconscious need to be heard and seen; they … Continue reading Call it What You Must
My F-d up Mind. I’m the one that has blinded eyes!!!! It is I!!!!!
We are all just a bunch of broken, f-d up people unwilling to change. So full of ourselves that we can't see the shit in us that needs weeded out..because we are too sure that our "enemy": republicans, democrats, men, women, gay, straight, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, that domination, his addiction, her greed, their lust, those … Continue reading My F-d up Mind. I’m the one that has blinded eyes!!!! It is I!!!!!
Jesus and My Tantrum
So sometimes I have these scenes I go through with me and Jesus. And today(read previous post) is one of those days. In these scenes I am with Him and usually talking or resting in this house (see other posts on this of mine). Today though we are in my house and also another room. … Continue reading Jesus and My Tantrum
Life Today.
I hate myself today..and other days. I feel like a contradiction. The person I want to be, the mask I want others to see...then in private I can be..this person I despise. I am a complaining mess. Raging. Tired..sleep deprived wreck. Can't keep up. Not with the Jones's..I have no desire to fulfill my life … Continue reading Life Today.
My Struggle with Mental Illness.
I would say my biggest discouragement/hurt when it comes to battling mental illness(depression, anxiety, presumed BPD); has been getting others to understand or even believe me. Unlike physical ailments that can be more readily diagnosed and recognized by the layman; this stuff is not so. It cannot be X-rayed, tested, put in a petri dish, … Continue reading My Struggle with Mental Illness.
Who do you say that I am?
Life has been crazy for me lately. Possibly more on the inside of me than anything; the outside chaos is just the product. Really though, I've been in self-pity mode. Crying "mercy", as if life has me pinned to the ground, arm contorted behind my back. I am in that run mode. Flight..screw the fight..it's … Continue reading Who do you say that I am?
Jesus and The Map
I sit back praying and asking Jesus about this map that I seen while in prayer a while back(see previous post); and this is the insight I've gained: The map in a sense, represents the world. Or one's quest to understand the world. And the things on the map represent life: the "stops" along the … Continue reading Jesus and The Map
Give Them the Flowers Now: by Leigh M Hodges
Closed eyes can't see the white roses, Cold hands can't hold them, you know Breath that is stilled can not gather, The odors that sweet from them blow Death with a peace beyond dreaming, It's children of earth doth endow Life is the time we can help them, So give them the flowers now! Here … Continue reading Give Them the Flowers Now: by Leigh M Hodges
The Undoing of Me 