An Epilogue to The Past Several Years Pains; a Prayer more Hopeful, in that I desire to Be.

I lay here, waiting for sleep. To replenish, much needed energy. And quite unlike the last several years pleas, for the Earth to receive me, to hasten my travels beyond mortals hell (earth). I sense God/Source/Love and Light (all names suffice, for what is in a name, but the very Essence that actually defines it?) …

Consciousness: Notes To Self.

What consciousness (conscious awareness) is not: Not being in the present moment, but lost in thoughts of the past or worries of the future. Pondering and analyzing any and everything, that is not needed in that exact moment. Reacting, rather than responding. Being possessed by your emotional triggers; they being what drives you rather than …

Life

Sometimes, I find hope in the fact that, someday this will all be over. Sometimes, that is all I look forward to. And the hope that, I will never have to come back and “try” this again.

What He Said: Thich Nhat Hanh (Noticing The Synchronicities in Everyday Life 😊).

I find it exciting, hopeful, and as the following excerpts say, like rebirth and renewal, when I come across the same themes very close together within a short amount of time. This has been happening to me for years now, and it can be very encouraging and confirming. Particularly when you are on your own …

I’ve Cried to This Several Times in the Last Few Years.

https://youtu.be/py6ZF8hRsHY

This Thought

When we finally believe something. As true. We will no longer need to defend it. Defense, like a self preservation agent, is primal. Fear based. Defending is like implying we must protect it. But what is known to be true; need not be lost. Defended. Or protected. It sits still. It needs not object. It …

Hello No!?

youtube.com/watch

Stop the Mission Trips

Stop making vacations out of missions trips. Make interpersonal relationships, with those not like you, or those in need of other people...your mission. Just a thought.

An Evolving Faith Includes Doubt — Center for Action and Contemplation

An Evolving Faith Includes Doubt — Center for Action and Contemplation — Read on cac.org/an-evolving-faith-includes-doubt-2021-06-02/

Context and Reality

"Any interpretation of a biblical text that would not have made any sense to the author of the text and to his original, intended audience should be roundly rejected,” he stated.(YEEEEESSSS clears throat)   According to Harlow, the mark of the beast is a symbol of the Roman empire’s oppressive political, social and religious system. The …

Tonight

Am I exposing to many truths, like ego self abuse? Or is this what really is 100 proof? I’ve found there is release in mentioning all my many many tragedies..even if many are actually quite stigmatizing and possibly embarrassing 💁🏻🙈 But shit, it is what is, and this is my fucking reality. At times it’s …

Kid Rock

youtu.be/0DQup4hd1_o

Today

How do I find help, Without time for myself? People are under vast amounts of stress, in who knows what particular areas... it’s all personal, contingent upon so much. Those that need help, have to find methods that work well for them, and then be consistent and also make time for it. Who has time …

What Really Is …

mywonderingsoul.com/2019/08/19/within/

You Cry, “Stop the Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?

You say, "make a change"; but where are you participating? With more than a voice? ............... I can tell you now, that the majority of violent crimes are committed by overwhelmed, misunderstood, lost and hopeless, misguided individuals. And I can tell you with confidence, that most every single one of those above said individuals, at …

What I’m Listening to:

I love Ask NT Wright Anything | #34 An Evening With NT Wright live in London, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-9vf8u-d7de03

Ponderings

One may be quite surprised at how clearly and often He speaks, when man made interferences, distractions, and clutter are eliminated from daily life. We make it mundane.

Wow! NDE.

https://youtu.be/5XrA79_T_R0

Omg yes ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🤺

music.apple.com/us/album/round-and-round/1472967284

To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft (part 2)?

OK, so I started taking it again. That was a terrible idea to stop it😵😥! Some of you warned me, but I didn't wanna listen. I didn't realise how much it helped or I had forgotten. Here is the shitty part, I'm not sleeping again 😥. This was the original reason I tried to get …

I Ain’t Never Heard a Better Explanation of My Current Life in a Nutshell 💁🏻‍♀️

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/free-hypnosis-hypnotherapy-self-help-life-coaching/id1093422763?i=1000370130649

Watch “Embracing Borderline Personality Disorder – Dr Keith Gaynor” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/fhOotNCqg2E

Life, Light and Love.

Does it give life? Restore? Heal? Protect? Shed warm, revealing, gentle light? Are the followers of any particular path fostering life, light, and love? Are they moving more and more towards it? Are they at peace, is it easy to be in their presence? What do their words and lifestyles speak of? Are they moving …

To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft?

I have been on generic Zoloft now since getting prego. If one has read any of my previous posts, they might have seen how life has been like hell for me, both mentally and emotionally. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety, but the anxiety has been so intense it almost borderlines psychosis. To …

This is Good! “It is Finished – The Jesus Trip” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/cPrAP6CvDuM

I don’t Know What This Is

God, often I wonder what you think of me, Cuz I know what I think of me. And lately I've been fighting, some demons and it's frightening. Too much thinking in the night time, in the morning nothing looks right. Legendary Abstract Who's to say? She's all that! Broken homes, too many fights Booze and …

Consume

"Whatever the field of physical or moral sciences you deal with, you will be given no rest by the mass of things to be learnt or investigated. And to enable matters of this range and scale to find unrestricted hospitality in our minds, everything superfluous must be turned out. Virtue(for example), will not bring herself …

Show Me the Father.

You can't help a lost world, through worldy meassures. The system is not meant to be replicated, but rather torn down and rebuilt. New birth. Follower's of Christ, are called to replicate Christ, just as He replicates the Father. Lost souls do not need another worldly system, they need revolution and re-birth. Christ un-apologeticly entered …

What Does it Mean to be Fully Human? 😭😭❤❤❤

https://youtu.be/SZaQuy1ujek

I Spy..

If the Church treated those like Mary Magdalene, the tax collector, the leper and the lame, like Jesus did; take note, because it'll be the congregation that complains.

Oh Shit! You mean I Can’t be a Hero?

I love Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s) | Aw Shit! Ya mean I can't be a hero? -Richard Rohr, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-zvdfv-c4c9fc

Weeping at Jesus’s Table

I am having images of me and Jesus at His table again. In the home. (See previous posts about Jesus and I at His table). We are in our typical seats. I have myself pulled up to the table and my left ear pressed against it. My arms are down in my lap. And I …

Money Money Money! Money! 💸

I love Homilies | Money, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-dznzz-6d93315

A Change is Gonna Come?

All the theological answers. The Bible studies. The Sunday mornings All the gathering and smiling All the hungry The homeless The single parents struggling The addict The lonely All the lost still hoping The saints keep singing The sinners keep waiting For a saint to see them And show them a redeemer.

Daily Meditations Archives — Center for Action and Contemplation

https://cac.org/category/daily-meditations/

High Tides…Thinking in Writing

God give me a kind heart, cuz this world has gave me a hard heart. Make me what Thou art, cuz I've created a monster..trying to do my part. I thought I was able..qualified and faithful.. Wanted to prove to You and the people..I was solid...no problems.. But life tends to, knock knock knock you …

My Time Capsule: 12-30-2013

Sometimes one must be wise enough to force upon themselves heartache ; when well aware of circumstances and situations..that if persisted in..would later cause heartbreak. Of course, any ache is painful. But in reality, these bruises feel better much quicker; than the more intense, reluctant pain a break produces. Not to exclude, the more extensive …

Just My Thoughts

I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So …

….Awake

One thing I've learned about the establishment of organised religion: they give up on you, way before you give up on them. You can reach out to them in various forms. But they give up on you, before you do them. You keep writing..they stop responding. You have made it known that you are in …

Call it What You Must

Over the course of my life, mostly as an adolescent but also a few times as an adult; I've had others think I was seeking attention. Whether it be from my loudness, hyperactiveness, complaining, sobbing at church..whatever And though some of those behaviors may stem from some subconscious need to be heard and seen; they …

Jesus and My Tantrum

So sometimes I have these scenes I go through with me and Jesus. And today(read previous post) is one of those days. In these scenes I am with Him and usually talking or resting in this house (see other posts on this of mine). Today though we are in my house and also another room. …

This Generation

I think we missed the mark when we made the mark to be striving for perfection; when it should be about being genuine: real to God, self, and others. We have created very good actors, but very shallow hearts. As long as societal deeds are met, the expectations of the church and others...we can go …

Cause No Death(Sin)

It comes quite natural for me to let my negative feelings be known. Bitching, complaining, moaning. Airing out why life's unfair to me. Placing dishes in the sink a little louder than normal to express my frustrations. You get what I mean. Expressing myselt so others are aware. I've been trying to get better. As …

The Right Thing To Do?

I catch my spiritual life being a lot more simpler lately. I have always tried to complicate it. Make it managed, controlled, systematic. But lately I find God telling me to , "just BE" anytime my mind gets to racing and I want to make Him and life more technical and doctrinal than He prob …

Jesus and Velveeta

I made a rotel dip. Today I was left with the remnants: rock solid, dried up, caked on cheese dip on several dishes. Me being me, "why not just discard it"? Throw the hole dang thing away, bowl and all! Wouldn't be the first time. But, I decided to be more resourceful and put them …

Oh Faithful Church Folk.

Where have we sent people? After getting pregnant, I remember running into someone I had known from the church system I had originally came to Christ in. This system is very legalistic. You do. Or you don't. I remember she asked me, was I going back to church? Was I attending somewhere? She was not …

Who do you say that I am?

Life has been crazy for me lately. Possibly more on the inside of me than anything; the outside chaos is just the product. Really though, I've been in self-pity mode. Crying "mercy", as if life has me pinned to the ground, arm contorted behind my back. I am in that run mode. Flight..screw the fight..it's …

Jesus and The Map

I sit back praying and asking Jesus about this map that I seen while in prayer a while back(see previous post); and this is the insight I've gained: The map in a sense, represents the world. Or one's quest to understand the world. And the things on the map represent life: the "stops" along the …

Give Them the Flowers Now: by Leigh M Hodges

Closed eyes can't see the white roses, Cold hands can't hold them, you know Breath that is stilled can not gather, The odors that sweet from them blow Death with a peace beyond dreaming, It's children of earth doth endow Life is the time we can help them, So give them the flowers now! Here …

Wonderful! Good listen

I love TED Talks Daily | I grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church. Here's why I left | Megan Phelps-Roper, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-avy39-562bbbb

Christians?

As I sit here and ask God, "what does abiding in You look like?" "What does not being conformed to this world look like?" It amazes me, how different His answers seem to be, compared to what I've been taught and told. From what I thought and expected. From how I've been. Almost everything has …

Without You

I don't like who I am, when I'm with you. And I'm not here to point any fingers, to push blame, or accuse. It may sound so...but those are not my intentions. I just need to breathe..the truth sets us free..and this is MY truth..how I see...me..you..us...we. I miss the old me. When all that's …

Change

We can only hide for so long. We can only cover up..mask it..for a moment. We can only practice behavior modification for a time..but before we know it..all comes to the light. It can be so deceitful..even to our very selves. We can make others believe..we can make-believe..we can pretend..for so long..that even we believe. …

At Home With Jesus: Visions and Scenes.

So last year sometime, I began practicing contemplative prayer and allowing Jesus to speak to me. Primarily through pictures and images. And ever since then, most of the time, these "scenes" center around a home. A home where Jesus and I live. And this home is what my idea of a safe, cozy place would …

Hell or Hell No?

https://christianity-without-the-religion.blogspot.com/2015/02/why-share-gospel-if-theres-no-hell-by.html?m=1

Visions of Jesus ❤ He speaks.

I was reading a morning devotional and it was about believing God's love for us. Trusting it. Receiving it. How our personal ideas and views of God are central to our lives...how we live and feel about ourselves and the world around us. The devotional instructed me to ask God to give me a song …

When God speaks directly to your circumstance.

I never open this devotional..it's been a long time. Crazy because my 9 month old drug some books of my shelf..and while picking them up I decided to read this. If you see my last post you will see the significance. 1. Of my baby being the one pulling out the books..yet providing the answer(My …

Watch “Christianity and Unknowing, Richard Rohr” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/MnTC4NNIACk

We are Called

We are called to follow Christ. To be His hands and feet..His body. But, how often do we represent the Law? What is Old? What was passing...? Why do we resurrect it? I look and listen to the message that the "Body of Christ" is proclaiming, and it doesn't look much like Jesus many times: …

Jesus IS What God Has to Say! ❤🙌🎉

https://brianzahnd.com/2015/02/jesus-god-say/

Like You Jesus

Lord does it bother You? Does it bother You, that my Good Samaritans don't always walk like You? Talk like You? Look like You? Does it bother You, that the ones I run to aren't as holy as You? They don't frequent church and read Your Word..as much as others do? They can cuss a …

Shame VS Acceptance

I love Son of a Preacher Man | Shame, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-fh92v-5390a60

He Loves Your Ugly

I remember my last stent of darkness. Sadly is has been a familiar friend most of my life. But, it don't stick around like it use to..when The Light is here. When Jesus is welcomed. But there are times, when day becomes night again. Joy appears to be swallowed in fear...shame...insecurity..sin...giving up..and giving in. Hello..I'm …

F@*# It ALL..that’s how I feel today..and maybe I will tmrw too.

For the past half-decade and some, I've been trying to be it all. The very best I can. The example for Christ, the mother who understands, the friend who only sees the best in others, despite my thoughts telling me otherwise. The good sister, daughter, employee, citizen..you name it. I've been policing my every thought, …

Lessons and Instructors

I can be so quick to want to teach the other a lesson. To be the instructor. I'm seeing that most the time lately, the lessons are meant for me...I am the one needing instruction. I can not expect to lead, until I can learn to follow. I can not speak..until I can first hear. …