Vultures and a Carcass

Sometimes I feel like everyone needs something of me, and in this mind, these hands, there's just nothing left to give. Every single family member I have, is so detrimentally unstable, literally on the verge of collapse. Sometimes I wish someone would just carry me for once; I can no longer lift. I'm surrounded by …

Within the Abyss

Oh dark heart, what shall it take to keep you tame? So many fresh starts, good intentions and hope filled predictions. So many efforts and attempts to be kinder and brighter, only to plummet to your deepest descents again. Should this be called a war within? Or better yet, a striving against? Oh vain attempts. …

Introspection

When I look honestly enough, I see the same shit in myself, that I judge and point at others for. They sometimes may be on different spectrums or manifesting differently, these attributes. Yet in essence they are one. At core level, they are the same.

Apologies

I feel guilty for my many words and my many reactions….. And as I sit here wallowing in my own guilt ridden, touchy conscience, I have to ask myself, am I sorry for what I did and the hurt it caused? Or am I sorry because I feel guilty and that’s a painful thing for …

Consciousness: Notes To Self.

What consciousness (conscious awareness) is not: Not being in the present moment, but lost in thoughts of the past or worries of the future. Pondering and analyzing any and everything, that is not needed in that exact moment. Reacting, rather than responding. Being possessed by your emotional triggers; they being what drives you rather than …

Dealing With Difficult People and Relationships

https://youtu.be/1t4-1xOBirQ

Watch “Only Jesus? The Church and Community.” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/MnXS4u2yLcs

Watch “Living in SURVIVAL vs. Living in CREATION – Dr. Joe Dispenza” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/MtimAuhyP-M

Today

How do I find help, Without time for myself? People are under vast amounts of stress, in who knows what particular areas... it’s all personal, contingent upon so much. Those that need help, have to find methods that work well for them, and then be consistent and also make time for it. Who has time …

Wow! NDE.

https://youtu.be/5XrA79_T_R0

The Power of Pause

podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-christian-therapist/id1356700814

Consider Who… Yeah You. 🙋🏻‍♀️

The only time we should consider others, is to ask ourselves, “will it help them or hurt them?” This is the one single time we should allow others into our headspace. Other than that, I do not see any purpose or justification. For what is all other consideration and contemplating of another’s life, if it’s …

Hostile Venting: Mean Phrases Scar Intimate Relationships | Psychology Today

Hostile Venting: Mean Phrases Scar Intimate Relationships | Psychology Today — Read on http://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201107/hostile-venting-mean-phrases-scar-intimate-relationships?amp

I Ain’t Never Heard a Better Explanation of My Current Life in a Nutshell 💁🏻‍♀️

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/free-hypnosis-hypnotherapy-self-help-life-coaching/id1093422763?i=1000370130649

Tonight

Mama said it took the edge off So I went and got a bottle, poured a glass and partook until the pain within my head was quieted, and the days looked brighter up ahead. Mama was right..as she had said.

Wow Just Wow. Deep. True. Honest. Life.”The Lumineers Parts 1-10″ on YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-psq8g9TuRL1r276IhGxuKRBuwoQpa_S

Watch “Gabor Mate’s short-lecture about ‘being self-disconnect'” on YouTube

https://youtu.be/QHC4IUpbwGM

My Time Capsule: 12-30-2013

Sometimes one must be wise enough to force upon themselves heartache ; when well aware of circumstances and situations..that if persisted in..would later cause heartbreak. Of course, any ache is painful. But in reality, these bruises feel better much quicker; than the more intense, reluctant pain a break produces. Not to exclude, the more extensive …

Just My Thoughts

I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So …

……

I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." …

World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.

I'm so tired of all these voices(nouns), asking something of me. I have nothing to give, be gone from me. I go to seek rest..and you come looking for me. There is no where to hide, here you come expecting more from me. I attempt to muffle your cries, but there is no smothering thee. …

….Awake

One thing I've learned about the establishment of organised religion: they give up on you, way before you give up on them. You can reach out to them in various forms. But they give up on you, before you do them. You keep writing..they stop responding. You have made it known that you are in …

My F-d up Mind. I’m the one that has blinded eyes!!!! It is I!!!!!

We are all just a bunch of broken, f-d up people unwilling to change. So full of ourselves that we can't see the shit in us that needs weeded out..because we are too sure that our "enemy": republicans, democrats, men, women, gay, straight, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, that domination, his addiction, her greed, their lust, those …

Jesus and My Tantrum

So sometimes I have these scenes I go through with me and Jesus. And today(read previous post) is one of those days. In these scenes I am with Him and usually talking or resting in this house (see other posts on this of mine). Today though we are in my house and also another room. …

This Generation

I think we missed the mark when we made the mark to be striving for perfection; when it should be about being genuine: real to God, self, and others. We have created very good actors, but very shallow hearts. As long as societal deeds are met, the expectations of the church and others...we can go …

Cause No Death(Sin)

It comes quite natural for me to let my negative feelings be known. Bitching, complaining, moaning. Airing out why life's unfair to me. Placing dishes in the sink a little louder than normal to express my frustrations. You get what I mean. Expressing myselt so others are aware. I've been trying to get better. As …

The Right Thing To Do?

I catch my spiritual life being a lot more simpler lately. I have always tried to complicate it. Make it managed, controlled, systematic. But lately I find God telling me to , "just BE" anytime my mind gets to racing and I want to make Him and life more technical and doctrinal than He prob …

Wonderful! Good listen

I love TED Talks Daily | I grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church. Here's why I left | Megan Phelps-Roper, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-avy39-562bbbb

Apologies

I've gotten better at apologising. It's not always been easy. But, it has gotten better. Something did hit me today concerning apologies though, and how I tend to go about them. There are many times I see the self centeredness in them. My apologies that is. I catch myself wanting to do it, because it …

Why Can’t I be Stonger?

I have come to moan. To have a pitty party. May I? Why can't I be stronger? Why can't I handle life like other's? I have many reasons life is hard, but I see others in similar situations making it. Or more! Killing it! Single motherhood or maybe just life, has the best of me. …

My Own Demons

You ain't the only one with demons screaming..threatening your reason... You ain't the only one who holds on tight to sanity..trying to prove to the rest of humanity..that you too can overcome this "wicked man in me". You think I like to bring pain ..like it's my sick game..and I just can't wait to get …

Shame VS Acceptance

I love Son of a Preacher Man | Shame, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/media/share/dir-fh92v-5390a60

Free Me

I wish I could simply...run away like you. To close my eyes and ears to all my problems...to shut myself in...and be alone. But it's more complicated than that. Unlike you, I have more than just myself...depending on me. More than just myself..to feed, bathe, clothe, house, teach, meet needs...keep alive. I can't give up …

F@*# It ALL..that’s how I feel today..and maybe I will tmrw too.

For the past half-decade and some, I've been trying to be it all. The very best I can. The example for Christ, the mother who understands, the friend who only sees the best in others, despite my thoughts telling me otherwise. The good sister, daughter, employee, citizen..you name it. I've been policing my every thought, …