Within the Abyss
Oh dark heart, what shall it take to keep you tame? So many fresh starts, good intentions and hope filled predictions. So many efforts and attempts to be kinder and brighter, only to plummet to your deepest descents again. Should this be called a war within? Or better yet, a striving against? Oh vain attempts. … Continue reading Within the Abyss
I am my happiest self; When I am my authentic self.
How do I find help, Without time for myself? People are under vast amounts of stress, in who knows what particular areas... it’s all personal, contingent upon so much. Those that need help, have to find methods that work well for them, and then be consistent and also make time for it. Who has time … Continue reading Today
That's where I want you to be; unsure-yet still trusting me. Having tasted enough, to know... Yet not needing to know... Just knowing, that I Am. And, you are. Knowing, I am More than you need, and always enough.. Not needing certainty of mind...but honesty of heart.. I Am here and there, always. Let your … Continue reading Jesus
Today: Heaven is…(need to edit still)
The Kingdom of Heaven, starts with YOU. You see, that mustard seed, that grain of wheat..is YOU. We want to see the harvest. We want to see the progress. We want to reach the masses, not realizing..death is in letting go..of all those expectations and ego boosters. That seed(beginning/new way/new life) is first buried. Unseen. … Continue reading Today: Heaven is…(need to edit still)
You Cry, “Stop the Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?
You say, "make a change"; but where are you participating? With more than a voice? ............... I can tell you now, that the majority of violent crimes are committed by overwhelmed, misunderstood, lost and hopeless, misguided individuals. And I can tell you with confidence, that most every single one of those above said individuals, at … Continue reading You Cry, “Stop the Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?
The First Will Be Last 🤔
One good reason death to self, being last, self-sacrifice, and carrying ones cross; can all be symbolized by crucifixion..is because crucifixion is to the body, what self denial is to the ego. We will do anything before choosing to crush/insult ego. It is the most "excruciating" thing. We will even firmly believe our own reasonings … Continue reading The First Will Be Last 🤔
Love Like Jesus: The First Will Be Last.
We've been conditioned into subconsciously always asking ourselves, "how can I be first?", in any given situation. It comes natural. We aren't even aware of it typically. Begin to practice asking yourself, "how can I be last?"; and you'll soon realize how self interested, you really are.
To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft (part 2)?
OK, so I started taking it again. That was a terrible idea to stop it😵😥! Some of you warned me, but I didn't wanna listen. I didn't realise how much it helped or I had forgotten. Here is the shitty part, I'm not sleeping again 😥. This was the original reason I tried to get … Continue reading To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft (part 2)?
Gang Banging in the Pews.
I see in myself this same pattern one finds when teens choose gangs. That longing for belonging, leadership, purpose. When the family unit does not seem to give what is needed or presumed needed, one ventures off to find it elsewhere. And though that elsewhere may not be healthy, the feeling of belonging and significance … Continue reading Gang Banging in the Pews.
I don’t Know What This Is
God, often I wonder what you think of me, Cuz I know what I think of me. And lately I've been fighting, some demons and it's frightening. Too much thinking in the night time, in the morning nothing looks right. Legendary Abstract Who's to say? She's all that! Broken homes, too many fights Booze and … Continue reading I don’t Know What This Is
"Whatever the field of physical or moral sciences you deal with, you will be given no rest by the mass of things to be learnt or investigated. And to enable matters of this range and scale to find unrestricted hospitality in our minds, everything superfluous must be turned out. Virtue(for example), will not bring herself … Continue reading Consume
Show Me the Father.
You can't help a lost world, through worldy meassures. The system is not meant to be replicated, but rather torn down and rebuilt. New birth. Follower's of Christ, are called to replicate Christ, just as He replicates the Father. Lost souls do not need another worldly system, they need revolution and re-birth. Christ un-apologeticly entered … Continue reading Show Me the Father.
If the Church treated those like Mary Magdalene, the tax collector, the leper and the lame, like Jesus did; take note, because it'll be the congregation that complains.
Haven’t Slept it Away in Many Years. (When sleep is desired over the ache of being awake.)
Oh shit, I'm here again. Where I wait all day for sleep to begin, because that's the only time the misery ends.
Weeping at Jesus’s Table
I am having images of me and Jesus at His table again. In the home. (See previous posts about Jesus and I at His table). We are in our typical seats. I have myself pulled up to the table and my left ear pressed against it. My arms are down in my lap. And I … Continue reading Weeping at Jesus’s Table
👀Awake Oh Sleeper!
I will say this, all the wrong attidudes and things I've condemned in others: greed, self-centeredness, gossip, accusations, pride, hypocrisy, lusts, materialism, comparison..you name it; I've likewise found in me. They may not manifest in the same ways or they might vary in degrees..but at their core, they are of the SAME spirit.
To me, social media means neglecting and missing out on all things meaningful and valuable, In exchange for all things superficial and empty. Those people and moments I neglect, For strangers and white washed tall tales of happiness. My children looking to me for acceptance and approval, While I scroll for the world's...👍
A Change is Gonna Come?
All the theological answers. The Bible studies. The Sunday mornings All the gathering and smiling All the hungry The homeless The single parents struggling The addict The lonely All the lost still hoping The saints keep singing The sinners keep waiting For a saint to see them And show them a redeemer.
Karma Sowing Seed
I've come along way from where I was, and I'm still very much undone. One of the many lessons I've been experiencing over the last few years, is the principle of sowing and reaping, or what some call karma. And I have found it very much alive and well! The unexpected thing I've found though, … Continue reading Karma Sowing Seed
Will you love me in my brokenness When I have nothing else to give but these moments in... Conversations and contemplation...about what life is.. All I have is.... Me Be-ing That's all I can give Here I am One in a million.. Not like them... Very different Up up away....earth bound...hell no No limits All … Continue reading 9-20-2019
Considering My Ailments lol
I can't really put into words what anxiety and depression(whatever really inflicts me) are like. Torment is close. An agitation deep within..like being poked with a pointy finger over and over again...but beneath your chest..where ones emotions rest... Or a pingpong ball pinging rapidly throughout me. Bouncing off one side, to the next..this way and … Continue reading Considering My Ailments lol
My Time Capsule: 12-30-2013
Sometimes one must be wise enough to force upon themselves heartache ; when well aware of circumstances and situations..that if persisted in..would later cause heartbreak. Of course, any ache is painful. But in reality, these bruises feel better much quicker; than the more intense, reluctant pain a break produces. Not to exclude, the more extensive … Continue reading My Time Capsule: 12-30-2013
If there is one thing I can say with full conscience confidence.. Is that I have saught You diligently. Like the Hound Of Heaven in my own sense..I've been in pursuit of You.. I have been discouraged, but never forsaken. I've been mistaken, but You never have left me. I may have been blinded, but … Continue reading My God
High Times. Unconscious Rhyming
Can I lose my mind for some time? What if I lost all self-control for a bit? What would you think of ya chic? If I decided to get real legit..100..per cent..I don't think they ready for this See they ain't neva considered this kind of sublime...it's so unlike...all they've ever witnessed.. Lost minds.. They … Continue reading High Times. Unconscious Rhyming
My Time Capsule: 9-19-2013
I want to measure your stature, from within...what things are in your heart? What do you see within others, when you look deep enough to even try to perceive what lays beneath? I no longer want to stay focused on what only my eyes can see...I want to adjust my vision so that it can … Continue reading My Time Capsule: 9-19-2013
Shark Attacks and Poverty
Am I wrong for being pissed off and resentful for the news covering anything but real life most the time? Like for months I've heard stories of people ate by sharks and those who've died ontop mountains...attacked by wild animals.. And this is sad. These are peoples lives...people matter..all people. But these are people that … Continue reading Shark Attacks and Poverty
Just My Thoughts
I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So … Continue reading Just My Thoughts
I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." … Continue reading ……
World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.
I'm so tired of all these voices(nouns), asking something of me. I have nothing to give, be gone from me. I go to seek rest..and you come looking for me. There is no where to hide, here you come expecting more from me. I attempt to muffle your cries, but there is no smothering thee. … Continue reading World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.
I Value My Words
One thing that I hope outlives me and are compiled together someday, would be my writings. In them you would find my deepest agonies, my journeying through self-realisation, my evolving relationship with God, my deepest regrets, hopes, complaints and so forth. From spoken word, to many questions, and what I believe were some of the … Continue reading I Value My Words