Learn to not compare yourself with others. Or have the same expectations of others you place on yourself, and vice versa. People are born into all types of circumstances. And then, circumstances change throughout life. Our trajectory is dependent in a sense. One man may have been born into a more privileged circumstance for example. … Continue reading Today
I think I need to work on quitting smoking weed. I've learned throughout these last several fucked up years that God is there. Like there there. Anytime, anywhere. For us. All of us. Even those mf's we can't stand. He wants to be there. For us to know He really is OK with our mess. … Continue reading Drugs and Jesus(un-reread/draft).
I get these instant panics Like armageddon's landed They say it's symptomatic You know, Post Tramatic Some type of stress, who'd imagine? I feel like am always running Inside mind, and nerves likewise Little firefly's, but the angry kind Worry worry fast and fury Racing Crazy Hate me Shame me Entangled in this spider's web … Continue reading Tonight
God is more in the mundane than anything. The Everyday. The grey. More than He is in our minds where we are so intently trying to find and bind Him. Get rid of the screens, all the teachings, doctrines and theories...and breathe in... God again. Live amidst Him. Not in your ideas of Him.
Noticed how online shopping and just anything online or media wise in general can keep us hooked. It keeps us out of reality. Our focus off the present. It enables us to avoid things. It numbs us in a sense. Out of touch. Not always bad, but never enough.
The man beaten on the side of the road and stripped by thieves. Unable to get back up on feet. It took the Samaritan to see him. As the holy walked by to their holy city. They left him, unattended. Satan is called a thief, a destroyer; where are we in the lives of those … Continue reading
We're called to be like Jesus. And then we go digging into almost everything in our beloved Scriptures, but the life of Jesus Himself. We are stuck in the laws and regulations. The ends and outs. The bells and whistles; and I don't see much of the four Gospels...Jesus's life on Earth and the example … Continue reading Like Who?
I sit here at almost 37, wishing I had a father to talk to. Crying over it like I lost something. I put fragments together of the father figures I've had throughout my and imagine how they would guide me now? What wisdom they would give? What tone of voice they would have, what direction … Continue reading Just thinking of my situation and how to see it to help the next generations coming.
Most the time, I am arguing with my own self. My own mind. Whether it's the weather I'm complaining about, or another...within or spoken. It is only my own thoughts and conclusions of the other. The feelings and assumptions..I own them. Or maybe they own me? Even my closet and dearest I see through a … Continue reading Most the Time
I wonder if there are still any significant lessons to be found when it comes to the Jews(supposed chosen image bearers of God) not accepting a crucified Messiah, The Temple being destroyed, and God sending the Good News out to the Gentiles? God giving His promise that was meant for the Jews, to the ones … Continue reading Just thinking( draft)
I've been questioning how real my love within really is? How Christ like, that is. Because more often that not, I find time and again...a forcing it. As if my sorries and apologies are nothing more than my own attempts to find forgiveness...for myself. A law like system in my mind I sense it. Or … Continue reading Today
I want to apologize for anyone I did hurt during the last several years. I have been a hot mess. I never would have expected to get such bad depression. (But with my history of it, maybe I should have). I never knew those types of nights were possible again, and esp to that extent. … Continue reading Today
Having horrible anxiety and smoking weed in attempts to fix it. I felt asked if it helped? To some extent. It makes it all more tolerable. This kind of anxiety is a painful thing. And that pain stayed, regardless of the lifting. But, there are other negative physical aspects it seems to suppress. Maybe slows … Continue reading Today (unedited).
"I learned from poor and homeless organizers, when I was without health care and adequate housing, that poor people are not sinners-but poverty is a sin"......"Why do we worship a homeless person on Sunday and ignore one on Monday?" ~ Liz Theoharis Expert from Sojourners magazine March 2021 page 7.
I began to lost heart, when I seen all that they invested in. Good times, comfort first. Dazzeling lights. Emotions high. Towers built, to the sky. Make it huge! Make it a sight! And they all get to go home; home to typically unbroken things. Light bills paid, good insurance, kids given more than they … Continue reading It Began
There comes a point, or multiple points in ones life; where we must decide if we want heaven or hell. And not in the traditional sense. But, the deeper, possibly truest since. In the now. You know, here on earth. We surely choose our own heavens and hells. Every seed does produce after it's own … Continue reading Heaven or Hell
Me just putting my thoughts on paper. Anxiety: We were surrounded by stimulants. Noises all around. Screens. Information. Advertisements. Voices. I wonder if we are biologically able to handle this and remain stress free? Or are we unconsciously trying to keep up, gather, process so much shit that we are harming ourselves? What kind of … Continue reading American Anxiety
“We really wanted to make sure there was a service component to this,” Ms. Grose said. “Because there are a lot of stories about what the problem is and not a lot of solution-driven content.” https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/06/insider/primal-scream-section.html
"Ironically, one of the few things I can say I truly know is that not-knowing and often not even needing to know is—surprise of surprises—a deeper way of knowing and a deeper falling into compassion. This is surely what the mystics mean by “death” and why they talk of it with so many metaphors. It is the essential transitioning."~Richard … Continue reading Dose
It really has been bothering me, the Nationalism..mixed with Jesus and all that He was meant to represent. How history is so suitably fit..to those in controls best interest. People defend certain flags...declarations written by old ass men. We say historically such and such..and this and that..to defend our resentments and belief systems. We call … Continue reading
Don't be assured that every message is palatable like sugar and spice. For many times it's conflicting, it gets to ya..it ain't always "right"(in feeling). But like earthen, imperfect vessels, that crack, leak, that need set right.. They may show forth their frame..from dust from clay..mud ..washed away. God breathes spirit..this part is life. Listen … Continue reading Don’t Shoot the Messenger lol
Anytime I felt a resistance to listening, because it was in opposition to my own thoughts and feelings... Was when I ultimately should have let that ache, irk, pride, and bias die. Now I find more truth in their words, and it took more time and hurt to get me here. *This is in regards … Continue reading Reflecting
"Any interpretation of a biblical text that would not have made any sense to the author of the text and to his original, intended audience should be roundly rejected,” he stated.(YEEEEESSSS clears throat) According to Harlow, the mark of the beast is a symbol of the Roman empire’s oppressive political, social and religious system. The … Continue reading Context and Reality
You're much more a better friend, than they told me you were. You're much more a bigger confidant, than I thought before. Unholy they told me, religious feigning to be you're only resting place. You like what's broken though you told me, while you rocked me while you hold me. You get the conflict within … Continue reading Today(draft)
I don't feed into the worry about what exactly the "mark of the beast" is anymore now a days. We really have lost our ability to think beyond the material world and in a transcendent, spiritual, symbolic sense. We don't even look back far enough to see how young and immature the idea of Biblical … Continue reading Pondering The Mark
With God, all things are possible. Not so with men. Our minds bend and twist. We make universes out of fragments, We name, we box in. We are the Kings. We are with sin. We don't look at it, Justify, justify, justify it. No crucify, crucify, crucifying. Unless it's them, it's always them, they are … Continue reading Today
I will always hear someone's words through my own interpretations of those words. The words are the shell, not the essence. The carrier of a message, not the complete message. We have to get beyond our own languages, and be insistent on learning the language of another. Soul language. What they really are trying to … Continue reading Pondering Kite Status
Do many of us, if not the majority in our culture, resist the next cycles of life? Does the way we hold so tightly to youth, beauty, being desired, being relevant..speak of our spiritual deprivation? Is it misunderstanding of what it all represents and symbolizes? Death, rebirth, karma, resurrection. We want to stay in the … Continue reading Pondering/Karma/symbolism/Rebirth
Something running across my soul a lot lately is the idea of showing grace toward the other, the "enemy" of my ego and pride in particular and more "judgment" towards myself. Not judgment as we might be use to understanding it; but rather just looking at myself, and honestly working soley on myself. In thought … Continue reading Themes
I think a lot, more than normal. The craziest thing for me that I find; is that I don't have to think to write. I just write.
The Western Church is so stuck in head knowledge. We fear the "heart" and yet use only a few verses to back up our reasons. Maybe not knowing in Jewish thought, the heart had a lot more to do with our mind and thinking; than our intuition, the center where we at times feel something … Continue reading Pondering
I'm not good at life
Unlike Jesus, we are usually much more concerned with how people get "saved", than if they get there... We are much more dedicated to gaining the wisdom and experience of becoming the healers and elders, than we are dedicated to those in need of healing and leaders. We want a specific formula, enough prayer and … Continue reading Today
I'm so tired, so worn out Nothing slows down for me I get no recess No Sabbath in sight. I cannot find. Stress will be the death of me, if not me.
This makes me want to cry!! Lol, remember emotional dysregulation. But, just thinking of how I've always been told to control myself, or considered to be too much, wanting attention. I've always sort of wrestled inside, because many have said things concerning my behavior or actions, or assumed things about them... and I've always felt … Continue reading Watch “Neural basis for symptoms of emotion dysregulation in people with BPD” on YouTube
I see The Creator, God, as looking a lot more like Jesus than we've made "him" out to be. A lot more, in that he is not as interested in how people are made whole, as long as they are made whole. Not as consumed with the loop holes and right sayings and thinking (man … Continue reading I See God
We are all living in judgement; and we are the judges, judging.
May I be honest with you? ...I'm just trying to whether this storm. Maybe I shall stop kicking and wailing so frantically, so alarmingly? Maybe I shall let this beat however it desires against me? Grasping for air wildly Hoping to breathe Let it cover me, sink me, carry me, move me... There comes this … Continue reading Today
Advocating for your own mental health in a world of stigma and misunderstanding can be tiring, taxing, and seem so pointless at times. Don't give up. Keep fighting. People will have their many opinions and ideas. Some will give up fighting for you and beside you. It's OK. They don't get it. If they can't … Continue reading Today
"The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge." ~ Carl Jung
I am in that house again. The one Jesus is at. I am at the table. This time I have my head down on the table and I am pulling my hair and then punching myself in the face over and over. I'm sure this is just my own imagination. Symbolic of how much I … Continue reading Today
What are the challenges and difficulties that the poor, widow, and fatherless faced, that would cause God to repeatedly remind Israel, and then as Jesus did in His ministry; to consider their well being in particular?
I've had this saved neatly in a folder for I suppose just a time as this. It had been given to me with a few other prayers some years ago, and I've just had them tucked away ever since. I came back across this folder yesterday while looking for documents I needed. I originally kept … Continue reading His Constance
I want to be free from these pains that keep me from being a loving, kind, hopeful person.
I am finding it difficult trying to persuade myself that my mind is the problem. That I can’t trust my own view of things.
I'm listening to The BadChristian Podcast | #534 Republican Jesus on Podbean, check it out! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-ecsnf-b2b9add
I have to accept that I am a “sinner”. A broken man In need of more than I can perform by my human hands I have to be OK with this wretched man; not to want to stay the same...but to understand His pains and aches and all that quakes His rage and shame and … Continue reading Today
I don’t seem to even fight thoughts of dying anymore I welcome it I want it
Why would anyone consider suicide? For me, it was always about the relentless feeling inside. I've described it as best as I can in other posts. But, to keep it brief it is like a tormenting feeling inside of you. That makes you want to do anything to escape it. As I've gotten older, other … Continue reading Today
I think there are deep seated truths to my critiques of the church and it’s people. I just might not go about it all the right way. It’s not resentment; but a feeling of profound confusion from seeing what poverty and struggle is like first hand, and seeing how people respond to it.
Depression is not your ordinary melancholy sadness. It is far more long lasting. Far more debilitating and far more painful than a mood or attitude problem. It steals lives. And the lives of those connected to its oppressed. It is much deeper. It is profound sorrow. People don’t understand why many would choose death over … Continue reading Clinical Depression
I need stillness, I need quite, I need silence to get by....and I seldom ever get this So much shit All around me It don’t quit I can’t handle too many noises.... what is it, I don’t get it I need limits I tried to fix this I went everywhere and to everyone imaginable in … Continue reading Today
Unfortunately, most my holidays are spent having flashbacks and being nervous for the present ones. Mine have been known to be filled with arguing, drunkenness, not eating because everyone fought too much before the food was done, and the ever present fear of shit escalating and pistols once again being pointed at heads. It’s always … Continue reading Holiday PTSD
“I am my own muse. The subject I know best. The subject I want to know better,” ~Frida Kahlo
What if I told you I don’t want to do this no more? Like really don’t. Would you get it? Would you get that I’ve fought, and fought as hard as I can imagine? Would my fight be enough for you? Would you believe I want to be this happy person, this doting mother, this … Continue reading Today
The Quest for the Historical Paul - Biblical Archaeology Society — Read on http://www.biblicalarchaeology.org/daily/people-cultures-in-the-bible/people-in-the-bible/the-quest-for-the-historical-paul/
Language is man made. If you couldn't use words, definitions, lingo or logic?...How would you then speak/relate/feel out God? Shhhhhh——-listen....hush——-be still. No comprehension, limitless.
Life, the great dilemma. Where you are the hero, the villain, the god and the victim.
Me: God, I’m so neurotic. I’ve always been so negative... God?: Start praising everything. Sing praises of what good you see, in people and in things. See only the good, even in your thought life.... Me: 😒....
We are all living in judgement; and we are the judges, judging.
I've had my fists raised towards the heavens and I've been cursing at them lately. Like Job, I am prone to question the goodness and kindness of a God who allows so much carnage. As I pondered this the other night, the story of God giving men dominion over the whole earth came to mind. … Continue reading Wondering Aloud
My minds a rebel, yeah she’s a bitch She starts all the trouble, on her thrown she sits.
We must not raise our fists in rage hollering, conquer them, conquer them. No more for them!! We must join hands, hang our heads and whisper, heal our lands, heal our lands. All of them.
Understanding the Other: Mentalizing with Attachment Theory | Psychology Today — Read on http://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/202010/understanding-the-other-mentalizing-attachment-theory?amp
God, why would you want me? Because I love what’s broken. That don’t make sense though.... It never does.
I’m afraid of what might happen when the pain pills they gave me fade away and I am left to my own to numb it. The physical pain is doable, the fact it likewise dulls the emotions, this is what I fear.
Note: I think a lot of what I write are projections. It has taken me a long time to understand this. But, I am trying to figure out how all that works. So with that said, keep in mind that much of this stuff is what I should be preaching to myself alone, I just … Continue reading Ah Shit
Play — Read on http://www.wandtv.com/content/tncms/live/
It would be nice to find a place to lay in the sun and give up the ghost.
The Uniquely Kingdom Approach to Abortion The unique Kingdom approach to abortion doesn’t focus on figuring out the “right” political solution, getting “the right” candidates into office or getting the “right” bills passed. As with everything else about the Kingdom, it rather focuses on manifesting the self-sacrificial love of God towards women with unwanted pregnancies … Continue reading Abortion and Kingdom People, excerpt by Greg Boyd.
I wish I would have cherished them more; those little moments, that at the time being, you don’t realize are little moments... It is a paradoxical blessing: having to rely completely on God.
When we are able to help a mother deal with her mental health, we are essentially reaching the whole family," says author Dr. Marian Earls.
It’s not that I want my world to change(the things around me). Even though I complain and it may seem that way. But in reality, I just want this pain inside to subside. It’s not a subtle thing, it’s intense. Like an itch... That you can’t quite scratch, yet it doesn’t itch.... It pan-ics It … Continue reading Anxiety
Jesus Jesus Save me save me Jesus Jesus Change me change me I’m not who I want to be Mentally nor emotionally Stormy seas Speak peace Hush me Jesus Jesus Forgive me I’m not who I want to be Light emptied Pretending Not even that anymore They see me I feel like whatever has hit … Continue reading Today
I’ve noticed I’ve become somewhat numb to death lately. Maybe it’s just that I don’t fear it like I once did? Or my views of the afterlife have changed? Four people around my age recently died. All within the last several months. Two of them I was closer to, the other two were a former … Continue reading Life and Death
Am I exposing to many truths, like ego self abuse? Or is this what really is 100 proof? I’ve found there is release in mentioning all my many many tragedies..even if many are actually quite stigmatizing and possibly embarrassing 💁🏻🙈 But shit, it is what is, and this is my fucking reality. At times it’s … Continue reading Tonight
God here I am again, I'm tired and I'm over it I am ill equipped to handle this I don't get it, I'm a deficit There is no joy, I can't find it I feel lost....inside this I am not human.this can't be it You made them stronger, I'm something less than Cuz as much … Continue reading Today
Enter at your own risk, I'm lost in thought and have no script I think a lot, I'm prone to fits I've been fucked up, still at 36 I feel like Rogue, that X-Men chic I have to watch who I touch, who I open up with I mean well, but my mind is a … Continue reading I’ve Told you Before, I Don’t Know What it is, So you Title It.
How do I find help, Without time for myself? People are under vast amounts of stress, in who knows what particular areas... it’s all personal, contingent upon so much. Those that need help, have to find methods that work well for them, and then be consistent and also make time for it. Who has time … Continue reading Today
Grace, you’ll carry us. Today marks exactly one year since I took my last antidepressant medication. Yesterday I got a big fat rejection and it still…PAINSTAKINGLY TRANSITIONING.
God, I find it hard to believe you love me yet still...still through all my inconsistencies.... Not too many men, will love a man, through all of their inconsistencies...their many, many inconsistencies...................
That's where I want you to be; unsure-yet still trusting me. Having tasted enough, to know... Yet not needing to know... Just knowing, that I Am. And, you are. Knowing, I am More than you need, and always enough.. Not needing certainty of mind...but honesty of heart.. I Am here and there, always. Let your … Continue reading Jesus
The Kingdom of Heaven, starts with YOU. You see, that mustard seed, that grain of wheat..is YOU. We want to see the harvest. We want to see the progress. We want to reach the masses, not realizing..death is in letting go..of all those expectations and ego boosters. That seed(beginning/new way/new life) is first buried. Unseen. … Continue reading Today: Heaven is…(need to edit still)
No one's to blame. It's a cycle. A cycle of brokenness. Sin is it. The enemy to us. Not another. The way to conquer sin, is through love. The power of self-sacrificial, self-denying, all accepting, adopting, unrelenting, merciful love. Christ like love. Laying down myself for someone else. I can't change the world. At least … Continue reading Reincarnate it..or Put an End to it
Learning, that you have to hear first; in order to speak your turn. (Let that speak to you how you want. 🤔)~Sam
One may be quite surprised at how clearly and often He speaks, when man made interferences, distractions, and clutter are eliminated from daily life. We make it mundane.
One good reason death to self, being last, self-sacrifice, and carrying ones cross; can all be symbolized by crucifixion..is because crucifixion is to the body, what self denial is to the ego. We will do anything before choosing to crush/insult ego. It is the most "excruciating" thing. We will even firmly believe our own reasonings … Continue reading The First Will Be Last 🤔
We've been conditioned into subconsciously always asking ourselves, "how can I be first?", in any given situation. It comes natural. We aren't even aware of it typically. Begin to practice asking yourself, "how can I be last?"; and you'll soon realize how self interested, you really are.
All that we need to do, is the RIGHT thing. Not fight to avoid the sinful things, and adhere to all the religious ones. But, quite oneself and be willing to ask what the right thing is, in any given circumstance, situation, or season. All have been given an answer. Our inner voice/soul/connection to God. … Continue reading The Right Thing is….
I FIND THAT I AM A LOT MORE SELF-OBSESSED: self-concerned, self-critical, self-centered, self- justifying, self-absorbed... my pain, my flaws, my wrongs and rights, my hurts, my points, my feelings, my happiness.. my life, my time, my heart and mind. ....on and on and on , THAN I HAD ONCE THOUGHT... damn it’s gross! If I … Continue reading Following Awareness
When we look at the crux of the Gospel and what Jesus taught we can see how it is profoundly simple, yet challenging. To just love. Have we taught that? Learned that? If it’s not all about the “law”, but love, what does that look and sound like? And how are we acting on law, … Continue reading What is Your Cross?
OK, so I started taking it again. That was a terrible idea to stop it😵😥! Some of you warned me, but I didn't wanna listen. I didn't realise how much it helped or I had forgotten. Here is the shitty part, I'm not sleeping again 😥. This was the original reason I tried to get … Continue reading To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft (part 2)?
The only time we should consider others, is to ask ourselves, “will it help them or hurt them?” This is the one single time we should allow others into our headspace. Other than that, I do not see any purpose or justification. For what is all other consideration and contemplating of another’s life, if it’s … Continue reading Consider Who… Yeah You. 🙋🏻♀️
You are what you eat , fuel and feed. Watch what you speak and consider how you see. Tis true, mind what you sow; every tiny, little seed. It all reproduces..be it green trees or tangled weeds Flowing rivers or dried up streams. Some give life, some cause death. It takes residence in your heart, … Continue reading BE ? Who are You and How?
Mama said it took the edge off So I went and got a bottle, poured a glass and partook until the pain within my head was quieted, and the days looked brighter up ahead. Mama was right..as she had said.
Does it give life? Restore? Heal? Protect? Shed warm, revealing, gentle light? Are the followers of any particular path fostering life, light, and love? Are they moving more and more towards it? Are they at peace, is it easy to be in their presence? What do their words and lifestyles speak of? Are they moving … Continue reading Life, Light and Love.
I'm learning to not mind being as authentic as possible. As a gift to myself if anything. Being true to myself, my reality. Why lie to the crowd? Why be someone else or pretend I am keeping up with the Jane's and Jones's, when I'm really a hot mess? Why does wearing a painted mask … Continue reading Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. 😜🤔🤓🤐🤡😈😇🤣😬😬😬😬💁
Blue sky, few clouds. Ocean far, ocean wide, no shores to be found. On my back, arms and legs stretched way out. Floating upon calm waves..rocking me to hushed sleep...above these deep seas. Nothing in my power. All is well. I let go. I surrender to this river. Arms stretched..legs out...face to the sky. I … Continue reading Vision Of Surrender.
I have been on generic Zoloft now since getting prego. If one has read any of my previous posts, they might have seen how life has been like hell for me, both mentally and emotionally. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety, but the anxiety has been so intense it almost borderlines psychosis. To … Continue reading To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft?
I see in myself this same pattern one finds when teens choose gangs. That longing for belonging, leadership, purpose. When the family unit does not seem to give what is needed or presumed needed, one ventures off to find it elsewhere. And though that elsewhere may not be healthy, the feeling of belonging and significance … Continue reading Gang Banging in the Pews.
God, often I wonder what you think of me, Cuz I know what I think of me. And lately I've been fighting, some demons and it's frightening. Too much thinking in the night time, in the morning nothing looks right. Legendary Abstract Who's to say? She's all that! Broken homes, too many fights Booze and … Continue reading I don’t Know What This Is
As I sat here praying, I asked God what He felt about my interest in other spiritual leaders. Some of whom my old self would have considered heretical or wolves in sheep's clothing. Was it dangerous to my soul? Am I being led astray, along a winding path toward hell? Or is there also truth, … Continue reading Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?
"Whatever the field of physical or moral sciences you deal with, you will be given no rest by the mass of things to be learnt or investigated. And to enable matters of this range and scale to find unrestricted hospitality in our minds, everything superfluous must be turned out. Virtue(for example), will not bring herself … Continue reading Consume
Oh shit, I'm here again. Where I wait all day for sleep to begin, because that's the only time the misery ends.
I will say this, all the wrong attidudes and things I've condemned in others: greed, self-centeredness, gossip, accusations, pride, hypocrisy, lusts, materialism, comparison..you name it; I've likewise found in me. They may not manifest in the same ways or they might vary in degrees..but at their core, they are of the SAME spirit.
I've come along way from where I was, and I'm still very much undone. One of the many lessons I've been experiencing over the last few years, is the principle of sowing and reaping, or what some call karma. And I have found it very much alive and well! The unexpected thing I've found though, … Continue reading Karma Sowing Seed
Is it weird that I can't stand America's obsessions? I wrestle with why? Why do I despise these things? The hunger for money, power, and fame. The chase. The need to look so good..forever young. The stunting. The dressing up. The showing off. The selfies. The culture of looks. Filters. Of impressing. Of needing so … Continue reading
If I wanted all of that..best believe I'd make it happen If I needed that ...cash is what I'd be after You see it's not poverty or depravity that has a hold on me But I'm after something that transcends all that's relevant to these earthly chics I need a little more depth to my … Continue reading Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones)
Will you love me in my brokenness When I have nothing else to give but these moments in... Conversations and contemplation...about what life is.. All I have is.... Me Be-ing That's all I can give Here I am One in a million.. Not like them... Very different Up up away....earth bound...hell no No limits All … Continue reading 9-20-2019
I can't really put into words what anxiety and depression(whatever really inflicts me) are like. Torment is close. An agitation deep within..like being poked with a pointy finger over and over again...but beneath your chest..where ones emotions rest... Or a pingpong ball pinging rapidly throughout me. Bouncing off one side, to the next..this way and … Continue reading Considering My Ailments lol
God give me a kind heart, cuz this world has gave me a hard heart. Make me what Thou art, cuz I've created a monster..trying to do my part. I thought I was able..qualified and faithful.. Wanted to prove to You and the people..I was solid...no problems.. But life tends to, knock knock knock you … Continue reading High Tides…Thinking in Writing
Sometimes one must be wise enough to force upon themselves heartache ; when well aware of circumstances and situations..that if persisted in..would later cause heartbreak. Of course, any ache is painful. But in reality, these bruises feel better much quicker; than the more intense, reluctant pain a break produces. Not to exclude, the more extensive … Continue reading My Time Capsule: 12-30-2013
If there is one thing I can say with full conscience confidence.. Is that I have saught You diligently. Like the Hound Of Heaven in my own sense..I've been in pursuit of You.. I have been discouraged, but never forsaken. I've been mistaken, but You never have left me. I may have been blinded, but … Continue reading My God
Can I lose my mind for some time? What if I lost all self-control for a bit? What would you think of ya chic? If I decided to get real legit..100..per cent..I don't think they ready for this See they ain't neva considered this kind of sublime...it's so unlike...all they've ever witnessed.. Lost minds.. They … Continue reading High Times. Unconscious Rhyming
I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So … Continue reading Just My Thoughts
I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." … Continue reading ……
I'm so tired of all these voices(nouns), asking something of me. I have nothing to give, be gone from me. I go to seek rest..and you come looking for me. There is no where to hide, here you come expecting more from me. I attempt to muffle your cries, but there is no smothering thee. … Continue reading World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.
One thing that I hope outlives me and are compiled together someday, would be my writings. In them you would find my deepest agonies, my journeying through self-realisation, my evolving relationship with God, my deepest regrets, hopes, complaints and so forth. From spoken word, to many questions, and what I believe were some of the … Continue reading I Value My Words