Category: Uncategorized

Today

I'm honestly really tired. I am ready. I don't want to be living this anymore. Constant ache, constant pain. I can't keep up. I finally feel bold enough to be OK with the thought of non-existence. Esp when the whole of one's existence has been more torment of mind and emotions inside than anything else. … Continue reading Today →

The Name of Jesus is an Action… not bound by language, interpretation, nor definition. No proper articulation, other than representation…

If more than anything, Jesus was showing us how to commune with both God and fellow man. How to broaden our narrow horizons of self and affiliations..and BE love. He was showing us how to get out of our heads and into our hearts. How to live again. He emphasized the importance of relationships. Acceptance … Continue reading The Name of Jesus is an Action… not bound by language, interpretation, nor definition. No proper articulation, other than representation… →

Clear Out..In and Out

Clutter clutter, clear out the clutter All this stuff, does also drug ya Clutter clutter, I did not stutter Numb ya, dumb ya...clutter clutter Pointing at the next man..with the.... brown paper bag man You high, rocked to sleep, unaware of your own damn addictions.. puff puff drag drag Clutter clutter. Consume and It’ll make … Continue reading Clear Out..In and Out →

Reincarnate it..or Put an End to it

No one's to blame. It's a cycle. A cycle of brokenness. Sin is it. The enemy to us. Not another. The way to conquer sin, is through love. The power of self-sacrificial, self-denying, all accepting, adopting, unrelenting, merciful love. Christ like love. Laying down myself for someone else. I can't change the world. At least … Continue reading Reincarnate it..or Put an End to it →

Today

Oh the time wasted. Chasing certainty, understanding, a belief. Debating, accumulating knowledge to confirm what I had been TOLD and TAUGHT. Study study Jesus the subject Yet nothing was done..not much.. that resembled His teaching. I was fulfilled Yet others left lacking It was about my getting it right...while those precious lives and hearts all … Continue reading Today →

Today

Sometimes I hope you would just...cry upon my shoulder. It's perfectly normal to need someone to hold ya. Freedom rings... Sweet symphonies When you let go of what's holding ya... Fear, pride, trauma, lies... Be human..cry For it is death that brings life.

Today

I was having a moment of self pity yesterday; as I tried to get the house clean while my toddler demolished it all right behind me again.. What was just set right..thrown unsympathetically into disarray again. Nothing new right? And as I got lost in that moment;that "whoa is me and my mundane life!"...the never … Continue reading Today →

Meditation, Prayer, Seeking God. Where is He?

Words thus thoughts, are all man-made. Concepts, concrete, solid shades Seek to be Spirit filled, led and bathed For from the soul, the path is paved Energy of love, of hope, of peace Real realities are felt, not seen. Breathed, exhaled experienced..unachieved. Eternal beings, on dusty feet. Walk in Spirit and in Truth; and From … Continue reading Meditation, Prayer, Seeking God. Where is He? →

My son is in the other room ready for my attention as I clean the toilet. Another day, another, duty, another innate object of my affection While my son longs for me.. The parable of Martha and Mary is brought to mind. How often we relate of course Martha with ourselves, and Jesus...well with Jesus. … Continue reading →

Exerpt by Sam Dylan Finch: See previous post for more of his awesome work.

I’m afraid that this illness is all that I am. Everyone likes to remind me that I’m more than my illnesses. But this struggle is my every day – if I’m not drowning in a depressive episode, I’m fighting hard to keep my head above water and my life intact. There isn’t a single moment … Continue reading Exerpt by Sam Dylan Finch: See previous post for more of his awesome work. →

4 Ways Mentally Ill People Are Blamed For Their Struggles

Let's Queer Things Up!

The first time I told someone that I was mentally ill, they reacted with disbelief.

“You?” they asked. “You don’t seem that sick to me. Be careful not to play the victim.”

The second time I told someone that I was mentally ill, they invalidated me.

“We all get depressed sometimes,” they replied. “You just have to power through it.”

Countless times, I’ve been made to feel like my mental illness is my fault. I wasn’t trying hard enough, I needed to change my perspective, I wasn’t looking at all of my options, I was exaggerating how much pain I was in, I was only looking for sympathy.

If I wasn’t mentally well, they implied, it was obviously an issue with me that had nothing to do with the systems that fail mentally ill people each and every day. My “failure” to live a functional and happy life had nothing…

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10 Ways to ‘Reach Out’ When You’re Struggling With Your Mental Health

Let's Queer Things Up!

I’m a mental health writer and advocate, and a suicide attempt survivor. I’ve told people on this blog many times, “Keep reaching out.” I’ve written multiple articles preaching the importance of vulnerability, defying stigma, and owning your struggles.

This is my whole thing, okay? This is what I do.

So when one of my closest friends died by suicide a few weeks ago, I wasn’t just shocked — I was completely gutted.

I thought there was never a question of whether or not my loved ones could reach out to me. But the very person who I’d talked to so often about mental health… didn’t call me.

Not even to say goodbye.

Screenshot 2018-03-03 at 10.30.59 AMThe last night I spent with them.

In the weeks following their suicide, my grief took me to dark places. I soon began having my own suicidal thoughts. And even then, when it was my turn to…

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Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.

I have grown and learned more from struggle, than anything else in life. This is the paradox of suffering and want. It has made me more humane. It has forged within me more compassion and gratefulness, than any fine thing. It has opened my eyes to what really matters, and what things are just not … Continue reading Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New. →

Karma Sowing Seed

I've come along way from where I was, and I'm still very much undone. One of the many lessons I've been experiencing over the last few years, is the principle of sowing and reaping, or what some call karma. And I have found it very much alive and well! The unexpected thing I've found though, … Continue reading Karma Sowing Seed →

Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones)

I'm after something that transcends all that's relevant to these earthly chics I need a little more depth to my step..and ya'll is super culture-sick..after the same old shit and too anxious to get it Never satisfied with your piece of the pie, gossip, shopping, club hopping, nail spots and still left feeling like you're … Continue reading Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones) →

Considering My Ailments lol

I can't really put into words what anxiety and depression(whatever really inflicts me) are like. Torment is close. An agitation deep within..like being poked with a pointy finger over and over again...but beneath your chest..where ones emotions rest... Or a pingpong ball pinging rapidly throughout me. Bouncing off one side, to the next..this way and … Continue reading Considering My Ailments lol →

My God

If there is one thing I can say with full conscience confidence.. Is that I have saught You diligently. Like the Hound Of Heaven in my own sense..I've been in pursuit of You.. I have been discouraged, but never forsaken. I've been mistaken, but You never have left me. I may have been blinded, but … Continue reading My God →

High Times. Unconscious Rhyming

Can I lose my mind for some time? What if I lost all self-control for a bit? What would you think of ya chic? If I decided to get real legit..100..per cent..I don't think they ready for this See they ain't neva considered this kind of sublime...it's so unlike...all they've ever witnessed.. Lost minds.. They … Continue reading High Times. Unconscious Rhyming →

Just My Thoughts

I'm so tired, I have no energy. I'm so drained from lack of good sleep, yet my running mind won't allow it..sleep. Even the prescribed meds fail me. For the most part. They have offered some help..better than I was. My thyroid is all out of whack again. This makes me feel constantly sickly. So … Continue reading Just My Thoughts →

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I don't understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it's simple. As if it's brought on by self. I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of "normal." … Continue reading …… →

World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give.

I'm so tired of all these voices(nouns), asking something of me. I have nothing to give, be gone from me. I go to seek rest..and you come looking for me. There is no where to hide, here you come expecting more from me. I attempt to muffle your cries, but there is no smothering thee. … Continue reading World: Asking Me..for More than I have to give. →