We’ve been taught religion; but not the art of Christ like loving and living.
Most my adult life I've been asking, "where are you God"? Today, I felt like God was asking ME the same thing. Where am I? Am I running or hiding in my shame or guilt like Adam and Eve? Am I distracted by many things like Martha? Am I stuck in my head unable to … Continue reading Where are you God?
I love Wild Goose | Pete Enns & Jacqui Lewis, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-j8g5q-89c52af
I think a lot on it, I study, I gather info. I read about it, I listen and watch lectures, podcasts, vidoes and testimonials; but I rarely put it into practice: that which brings me freedom.
I love Ask NT Wright Anything | #36 Has the resurrection been debunked?, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-xdw75-daede5
"....Daniele Bolelli once gave me a helpful metaphor. He explained that training was like sweeping the floor. Just because we’ve done it once, doesn’t mean the floor is clean forever. Every day the dust comes back. Every day we must sweep." ~Ryan Holiday, The Ego Is the Enemy
One good reason too, why we should endure the absence (of others, friends, family, etc) patiently is the fact everyone of us, is absent to a great extent from his friends even when they are around. ~Seneca
Oh the time wasted. Chasing certainty, understanding, a belief. Debating, accumulating knowledge to confirm what I had been TOLD and TAUGHT. Study study Jesus the subject Yet nothing was done..not much.. that resembled His teaching. I was fulfilled Yet others left lacking It was about my getting it right...while those precious lives and hearts all … Continue reading Today
Sometimes I hope you would just...cry upon my shoulder. It's perfectly normal to need someone to hold ya. Freedom rings... Sweet symphonies When you let go of what's holding ya... Fear, pride, trauma, lies... Be human..cry For it is death that brings life.
"When you can be present, you will know the Real Presence. I promise you this is true. And it is almost that simple." ~ Richard Rohr
This is life, it's complicated. We're all complicated. Give a little mercy.
"A mark of spiritual growth is when we stop polishing the mask and instead start working on our character." Christopher L. Heuertz, Richard Rohr Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/dwn9uW3
Richard Rohr - “Every unrealistic expectation is a resentment waiting to happen.”
I love Language of God | Peter Enns | God is Not a Helicopter Parent, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-dbxdr-b11b0c
I love The Next Right Thing | 32: Stop Collecting Gurus, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-f4mk8-3da17cb
You say, "make a change"; but where are you participating? With more than a voice? ............... I can tell you now, that the majority of violent crimes are committed by overwhelmed, misunderstood, lost and hopeless, misguided individuals. And I can tell you with confidence, that most every single one of those above said individuals, at … Continue reading You Cry, “Stop the Violence!” Yet What are YOU Gonna do About it?
I love Turning to The Mystics with James Finley | Instructions for The Practice, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-6s2as-80e1cc5
I love Ask NT Wright Anything | #34 An Evening With NT Wright live in London, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-9vf8u-d7de03
Learning, that you have to hear first; in order to speak your turn. (Let that speak to you how you want. 🤔)~Sam
Listen to The Misery of My Iniquity by Samantha Hill on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/samantha-hill-612962878/the-misery-of-my-iniquity
Why would I not want us to be anything, but one? Unified? Just remember, ...you can come as close as you want to. You choose. Freedom has always awaited you, I've been calling, beckoning you, I am life, I renew. Fear is the thing you hold on to... Bondage, torment, it holds you like darkness. … Continue reading Contemplation Now.
I was having a moment of self pity yesterday; as I tried to get the house clean while my toddler demolished it all right behind me again.. What was just set right..thrown unsympathetically into disarray again. Nothing new right? And as I got lost in that moment;that "whoa is me and my mundane life!"...the never … Continue reading Today
For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. Colossians 1:19-20 ESV https://bible.com/bible/59/col.1.19-20.ESV
Words thus thoughts, are all man-made. Concepts, concrete, solid shades Seek to be Spirit filled, led and bathed For from the soul, the path is paved Energy of love, of hope, of peace Real realities are felt, not seen. Breathed, exhaled experienced..unachieved. Eternal beings, on dusty feet. Walk in Spirit and in Truth; and From … Continue reading Meditation, Prayer, Seeking God. Where is He?
Western society has defined faith and belief in God as a cognitive thing. I way of thinking. A certainty of knowing...comprehending..explaining .. We must control it, have to "get it", are afraid to have it wrong, but quite certain we all have it right. What if faith though, is to be seen as what we … Continue reading Today..
I want to do better, I want to do right. But what is better, but progression and what is right, but perfection? The journey is the lesson. Looking back in retrospection. Self reflection of my transgressions...only fear and folly in introspection. Resurrection Resurrection Lift me above, free me from..self induced insomnia... Rest Rest Rest and … Continue reading Today
I don't understand what I'm doing Lord, and I'm sorry. I don't quite get these convictions, more like inflictions....and I am sorry. I respond accordingly, to the burn beneath and I am left wondering what it all could mean... If this is not you Oh My God, then remove if far from me! But it … Continue reading Today..
One may be quite surprised at how clearly and often He speaks, when man made interferences, distractions, and clutter are eliminated from daily life. We make it mundane.
One good reason death to self, being last, self-sacrifice, and carrying ones cross; can all be symbolized by crucifixion..is because crucifixion is to the body, what self denial is to the ego. We will do anything before choosing to crush/insult ego. It is the most "excruciating" thing. We will even firmly believe our own reasonings … Continue reading The First Will Be Last 🤔
My son is in the other room ready for my attention as I clean the toilet. Another day, another, duty, another innate object of my affection While my son longs for me.. The parable of Martha and Mary is brought to mind. How often we relate of course Martha with ourselves, and Jesus...well with Jesus. … Continue reading
Not a word, not a peep Let the quite speak for me. Not a ruffled feather, talk is cheap. Only stillness, only peace, only what the world really deeply needs.
Old lady, why don't you like me? Is it cuz I'm still young and flashy? Because I got more years ahead and less behind me? Why do you mind me? Is it your own loss of youth that reminds you? I've done nothing to provoke you, what is it that bugs and bites you? Old … Continue reading Time
Just My Ponderings. If He is not invited into and sought for in the mundane, then where is He really a part of ones life?
We've been conditioned into subconsciously always asking ourselves, "how can I be first?", in any given situation. It comes natural. We aren't even aware of it typically. Begin to practice asking yourself, "how can I be last?"; and you'll soon realize how self interested, you really are.
All that we need to do, is the RIGHT thing. Not fight to avoid the sinful things, and adhere to all the religious ones. But, quite oneself and be willing to ask what the right thing is, in any given circumstance, situation, or season. All have been given an answer. Our inner voice/soul/connection to God. … Continue reading The Right Thing is….
"I don't believe the economic motive and the erotic motive account for everything that goes on in the world. It's a lust...a longing to be inside,[which] takes many forms....You want...the delicious knowledge that just we four or five- we are the people who (really) know....As long as you are governed by that desire you will … Continue reading The Things we Crave.
I FIND THAT I AM A LOT MORE SELF-OBSESSED: self-concerned, self-critical, self-centered, self- justifying, self-absorbed... my pain, my flaws, my wrongs and rights, my hurts, my points, my feelings, my happiness.. my life, my time, my heart and mind. ....on and on and on , THAN I HAD ONCE THOUGHT... damn it’s gross! If I … Continue reading Following Awareness
Wisdom is being able to separate the essentials from the non-essentials~Richard Rohr
Lord I say I want to know you, but I refuse to let you speak. I don’t silence the voices of the world as often as I feel are necessary to hear your voice. I run to this and to that. Many things done in your name. I turn to. Many voices that say they … Continue reading Listening?
When we look at the crux of the Gospel and what Jesus taught we can see how it is profoundly simple, yet challenging. To just love. Have we taught that? Learned that? If it’s not all about the “law”, but love, what does that look and sound like? And how are we acting on law, … Continue reading What is Your Cross?
I have to start finding the good in people first. Highlight only the best.
I'll tell you what, these last few years have been rough. I wrestle even with myself. I feel EXTREMELY conflicted inside about who I am? The anger, rage, pain, irritability, my thoughts, words, actions. I feel like two people. Reminds me a lot of how Paul questioned himself. How he seen a part of himself … Continue reading This Little Light of Mine 🤷
OK, so I started taking it again. That was a terrible idea to stop it😵😥! Some of you warned me, but I didn't wanna listen. I didn't realise how much it helped or I had forgotten. Here is the shitty part, I'm not sleeping again 😥. This was the original reason I tried to get … Continue reading To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft (part 2)?
The only time we should consider others, is to ask ourselves, “will it help them or hurt them?” This is the one single time we should allow others into our headspace. Other than that, I do not see any purpose or justification. For what is all other consideration and contemplating of another’s life, if it’s … Continue reading Consider Who… Yeah You. 🙋🏻♀️
Hostile Venting: Mean Phrases Scar Intimate Relationships | Psychology Today — Read on http://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201107/hostile-venting-mean-phrases-scar-intimate-relationships?amp
All too often we approach our prayers as ways in which we can get God working on our side. But the visible church is a check against that. Forgiveness is the turning point in prayer, the transition from seeking our own way from God to yielding our lives to him so that he may perform … Continue reading Good Word for Me Today 💆🏻♀️
You are what you eat , fuel and feed. Watch what you speak and consider how you see. Tis true, mind what you sow; every tiny, little seed. It all reproduces..be it green trees or tangled weeds Flowing rivers or dried up streams. Some give life, some cause death. It takes residence in your heart, … Continue reading BE ? Who are You and How?
Silence, stillness, and solitude have been crucial to my growth, and my mental, emotional and spiritual life. I think the lack there of, has been very detrimental to me over the last few years. As easy as it may seem to be able to find that day to day, it has not been so for … Continue reading Release.
Love is patient, am I?
Some times have been dark. Times when I'd rather let go, give in, and relent. Then there are these moments, these so captivating, more than earthly heart felt experiences...that make me want to stay a while, breathe it all in, and live again. These are my kids...💓✊🤞
I’m afraid that this illness is all that I am. Everyone likes to remind me that I’m more than my illnesses. But this struggle is my every day – if I’m not drowning in a depressive episode, I’m fighting hard to keep my head above water and my life intact. There isn’t a single moment … Continue reading Exerpt by Sam Dylan Finch: See previous post for more of his awesome work.
The first time I told someone that I was mentally ill, they reacted with disbelief.
“You?” they asked. “You don’t seem that sick to me. Be careful not to play the victim.”
The second time I told someone that I was mentally ill, they invalidated me.
“We all get depressed sometimes,” they replied. “You just have to power through it.”
Countless times, I’ve been made to feel like my mental illness is my fault. I wasn’t trying hard enough, I needed to change my perspective, I wasn’t looking at all of my options, I was exaggerating how much pain I was in, I was only looking for sympathy.
If I wasn’t mentally well, they implied, it was obviously an issue with me that had nothing to do with the systems that fail mentally ill people each and every day. My “failure” to live a functional and happy life had nothing…
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Mama said it took the edge off So I went and got a bottle, poured a glass and partook until the pain within my head was quieted, and the days looked brighter up ahead. Mama was right..as she had said.
I’m a mental health writer and advocate, and a suicide attempt survivor. I’ve told people on this blog many times, “Keep reaching out.” I’ve written multiple articles preaching the importance of vulnerability, defying stigma, and owning your struggles.
This is my whole thing, okay? This is what I do.
So when one of my closest friends died by suicide a few weeks ago, I wasn’t just shocked — I was completely gutted.
I thought there was never a question of whether or not my loved ones could reach out to me. But the very person who I’d talked to so often about mental health… didn’t call me.
Not even to say goodbye.
The last night I spent with them.
In the weeks following their suicide, my grief took me to dark places. I soon began having my own suicidal thoughts. And even then, when it was my turn to…
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Does it give life? Restore? Heal? Protect? Shed warm, revealing, gentle light? Are the followers of any particular path fostering life, light, and love? Are they moving more and more towards it? Are they at peace, is it easy to be in their presence? What do their words and lifestyles speak of? Are they moving … Continue reading Life, Light and Love.
I'm learning to not mind being as authentic as possible. As a gift to myself if anything. Being true to myself, my reality. Why lie to the crowd? Why be someone else or pretend I am keeping up with the Jane's and Jones's, when I'm really a hot mess? Why does wearing a painted mask … Continue reading Embrace You. The REAL You. And Love it Enough to Let Others, Even Haters Know it too. 😜🤔🤓🤐🤡😈😇🤣😬😬😬😬💁
Blue sky, few clouds. Ocean far, ocean wide, no shores to be found. On my back, arms and legs stretched way out. Floating upon calm waves..rocking me to hushed sleep...above these deep seas. Nothing in my power. All is well. I let go. I surrender to this river. Arms stretched..legs out...face to the sky. I … Continue reading Vision Of Surrender.
I have been on generic Zoloft now since getting prego. If one has read any of my previous posts, they might have seen how life has been like hell for me, both mentally and emotionally. I have always struggled with depression and anxiety, but the anxiety has been so intense it almost borderlines psychosis. To … Continue reading To Zoloft or Not to Zoloft?
I see in myself this same pattern one finds when teens choose gangs. That longing for belonging, leadership, purpose. When the family unit does not seem to give what is needed or presumed needed, one ventures off to find it elsewhere. And though that elsewhere may not be healthy, the feeling of belonging and significance … Continue reading Gang Banging in the Pews.
Tired of trying Of fighting this Torment Can't win Get up..only to cave all over and over again Decent Within The war wages and I give in Death sets in Sin Sin Can't explain it Can't define it Definitely can't deny it Sickness Powerless Relent Full of Shit Septic
God, often I wonder what you think of me, Cuz I know what I think of me. And lately I've been fighting, some demons and it's frightening. Too much thinking in the night time, in the morning nothing looks right. Legendary Abstract Who's to say? She's all that! Broken homes, too many fights Booze and … Continue reading I don’t Know What This Is
As I sat here praying, I asked God what He felt about my interest in other spiritual leaders. Some of whom my old self would have considered heretical or wolves in sheep's clothing. Was it dangerous to my soul? Am I being led astray, along a winding path toward hell? Or is there also truth, … Continue reading Does God Want us Whole or Adherents?
People will be more impressed by the depth of your conviction than the height of your logic. ~GLIB
"My goal is not to be liked, but understood."~Sterling K. Brown
"Whatever the field of physical or moral sciences you deal with, you will be given no rest by the mass of things to be learnt or investigated. And to enable matters of this range and scale to find unrestricted hospitality in our minds, everything superfluous must be turned out. Virtue(for example), will not bring herself … Continue reading Consume
Oh you busy minded, out here fighting yourselves and each other for self assumed rightness..control of that narrow gate, hungry for certainties, knowledge of.. wake up humanity!! Don't debate anymore, but follow Me. How hard is it to just believe..that LOVE IS the fulfilling of that law you seek so worldly like..to hold tight..fight for … Continue reading LOVE IS
You can't help a lost world, through worldy meassures. The system is not meant to be replicated, but rather torn down and rebuilt. New birth. Follower's of Christ, are called to replicate Christ, just as He replicates the Father. Lost souls do not need another worldly system, they need revolution and re-birth. Christ un-apologeticly entered … Continue reading Show Me the Father.
"People who gather together to live the presence of Jesus among people in distress are therefore called not just to do things for them, or to see them as objects of charity, but rather to receive them as a source of life and of communion." (p.95) "The cry for love and communion and for recognition … Continue reading Jean Vanier-Community and Growth.
If the Church treated those like Mary Magdalene, the tax collector, the leper and the lame, like Jesus did; take note, because it'll be the congregation that complains.
Oh shit, I'm here again. Where I wait all day for sleep to begin, because that's the only time the misery ends.
What do I do when I feel like I connect with no one within the subculture I am told I should be a part of? Do I remain? A stranger? Or can I spread my wings and freely fly away and live amongst others who want me to stay?
God what do you think of me now? When I'm letting go and crazy, giving up and angry? Bitter, resentful, crying out, complaining? What do you see in me? When I'm feeling selfish and don't give a shit, about what I say and who's offended by it. I'm tired of trying. Of being holy and … Continue reading An Unfinished Thought.. I found in drafts
I love Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s) | 8 Hr Anthony de Mello Audiobook on Awareness and Seeing, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-gjbm5-aaede1
I love Awaken2Now (See Thru Oppositional 2’s) | Aw Shit! Ya mean I can't be a hero? -Richard Rohr, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-zvdfv-c4c9fc
I've come to see that in my walk with God, I've consumed a lot in the name of pursuit, but digested little in the name of knowing.
I am having images of me and Jesus at His table again. In the home. (See previous posts about Jesus and I at His table). We are in our typical seats. I have myself pulled up to the table and my left ear pressed against it. My arms are down in my lap. And I … Continue reading Weeping at Jesus’s Table
" ..the goal is not the perfect avoidance of all sin, which is not possible anyway( 1 John 1:8-9; Romans 5:12), but the struggle itself, and the encounter and wisdom that comes from it. Law and failure create the foil, which creates the conflict, which leads to a very different kind of victory than any … Continue reading The Goal
I love Homilies | Money, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/dir-dznzz-6d93315
I love Another Name For Every Thing with Richard Rohr | Healing Division In A World That Others, let's play it! https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-z2v47-c18631
I will say this, all the wrong attidudes and things I've condemned in others: greed, self-centeredness, gossip, accusations, pride, hypocrisy, lusts, materialism, comparison..you name it; I've likewise found in me. They may not manifest in the same ways or they might vary in degrees..but at their core, they are of the SAME spirit.
To me, social media means neglecting and missing out on all things meaningful and valuable, In exchange for all things superficial and empty. Those people and moments I neglect, For strangers and white washed tall tales of happiness. My children looking to me for acceptance and approval, While I scroll for the world's...👍
All the theological answers. The Bible studies. The Sunday mornings All the gathering and smiling All the hungry The homeless The single parents struggling The addict The lonely All the lost still hoping The saints keep singing The sinners keep waiting For a saint to see them And show them a redeemer.
I'm thinking that God and spiritual life are not to be explained, but pursued. Too many explanations exist. We can get so lost trying to explain our own ideas to others, we neglect our own pursuit and also possibly hinder another's. God is big enough. However one may describe Him, He is much bigger than … Continue reading 9-30-2019
I have grown and learned more from struggle, than anything else in life. This is the paradox of suffering and want. It has made me more humane. It has forged within me more compassion and gratefulness, than any fine thing. It has opened my eyes to what really matters, and what things are just not … Continue reading Me on a Thinking Tangent: Nothing New.
I want to be more than just a body..a hot topic I want to be free from all the drama..external problems..they be robbing Chasing after beauty....an un-ending journey..that only keeps you thirsty...no fountain of youth..you keep searching...to reclaim your worthy-ness Just like all the rest...anxious quest for better-thans Fabricated mannequins...dressed to impress or undressed..less they … Continue reading Ladies Ladies Ladies..and Guys too.
I've come along way from where I was, and I'm still very much undone. One of the many lessons I've been experiencing over the last few years, is the principle of sowing and reaping, or what some call karma. And I have found it very much alive and well! The unexpected thing I've found though, … Continue reading Karma Sowing Seed
Is it weird that I can't stand America's obsessions? I wrestle with why? Why do I despise these things? The hunger for money, power, and fame. The chase. The need to look so good..forever young. The stunting. The dressing up. The showing off. The selfies. The culture of looks. Filters. Of impressing. Of needing so … Continue reading
If I wanted all of that..best believe I'd make it happen If I needed that ...cash is what I'd be after You see it's not poverty or depravity that has a hold on me But I'm after something that transcends all that's relevant to these earthly chics I need a little more depth to my … Continue reading Just a Little Late Night Rhyming ( My feelings on keeping up with the Janes and Jones)
Will you love me in my brokenness When I have nothing else to give but these moments in... Conversations and contemplation...about what life is.. All I have is.... Me Be-ing That's all I can give Here I am One in a million.. Not like them... Very different Up up away....earth bound...hell no No limits All … Continue reading 9-20-2019
At times..a lot of times..I feel guilty for not being able to handle this...all of it. Someone must have told me I was suppose to be more than able to manage it..cope with this Single handedly have the advantage over all of this..in control of it I was told that I got this, then left … Continue reading
Where do I begin? I wish there was a place to rest..a place to rest until all this was over with... That the storm would clear it all away..and leave me afresh... Chaos I can't get up Chaos I can't see I can't hear... Take all the time you need...shhhh..hush.....rest. Mountains I can't climb them … Continue reading …..
I can't really put into words what anxiety and depression(whatever really inflicts me) are like. Torment is close. An agitation deep within..like being poked with a pointy finger over and over again...but beneath your chest..where ones emotions rest... Or a pingpong ball pinging rapidly throughout me. Bouncing off one side, to the next..this way and … Continue reading Considering My Ailments lol