Sometimes I feel like everyone needs something of me, and in this mind, these hands, there’s just nothing left to give.
Every single family member I have, is so detrimentally unstable, literally on the verge of collapse.
Sometimes I wish someone would just carry me for once; I can no longer lift.
I’m surrounded by instability, insanity surrounds me;
What is this that you ask of me!?
Can you not see me? See me in my own suffering? Why must I bare yours and yours and his? All alone like this?
What does this look like?
A single mother, with not to much of nothing, and you come to me as if I have so much to give…
As if I’m flourishing, and you come again and again;
Sucking any and every ounce of nourishment I’ve slowly reclaimed for myself.
You insist that I, I who painfully feel so unsupported by any family or mortal man be this stability for you; but what you’ve come for, it’s no longer here, it doesn’t exist.
Please, I cry, flee from me, leave me with my own inconsistencies..leave me here depraved by my own limitations and oppressions.
For I have not the strength, not at all right now, to lead you, or guide you, to provide for you all these things you’re missing…
As I lay here naked, starving, unsheltered, forsaken and neglected.
Let me lay where I fall, and allow the earth to reclaim me; let it do it’s perfect work, leave me be, undisturbed.
I speak not of death, but of rest!
For God sake! Let me breathe, I GASP!
Silent tears roll down cheeks through closed eyes in defeat (or better, surrender)