My Truths

I don’t want to come across as dark and depressed. Pitiful and disturbed lol. But, I also don’t want to live my life hiding.

Promoting a false persona.

Polishing up an image I wish the world to attribute to me.

I don’t want to fear others opinions.

I likewise don’t want to advocate for self-harm or suicidal thoughts; to encourage them, or glorify them.

I am Ok, I truly desire to live. But, I would be a lie if I acted as though I don’t ever think or feel the way I do at times.

This does not mean I wallow in them. I’ve always fought. Or, I most likely wouldn’t be here still.
This has truly been a life long battle, it is what it is.

I don’t simply give in to it. It may seem so to others, due to it being so prevalent. But, I can’t imagine who I’d be if I had just given up and allowed the depression, anxiety, anger, and pain to consume me.

This IS me overcoming. No matter what it looks like to the outside looking in.

And as much as some may think I should be more positive, “change my attitude”, cheer up, shut up…

I get it.

But this is humanity wide open, letting others look in.

And I in a sense I wonder; how much depression, anxiety, internal tension, and loathing has actually been caused or unconsciously encouraged by society HIDING this reality; this shadow side of human emotion and thought?

By acting like it is not so?

By CONSTANTLY promoting the living behind the veneer that everything is OK, pretty, and sparkly?

I mean look at the things we share in contrast to the thoughts, feelings, and actions we hide.

Is it all just beautiful lies? A pretty disguise?

By trying to get others to believe we are where we want to be, feel happy constantly, have everything we have ever imagined going for us, and all our dreams our coming to fruition. Is this reality?

Covering our pain with smiles, in order to make it seem we are succeeding. We are always happy and achieving?

We need balance. Honesty. To feel we are allowed to feel the abyss; for it honestly seems to be a part of life.
Maybe even a necessary one?

What is this paradox of death before birth? The idea that suffering actually wakes us up and makes us more compassionate, understanding people?

The first shall be last? The weak shall be strong?

So why do we fein to be so damn strong? So well off? So, Ok?

That does not mean we are to stay OK with it; the dark, painful sides of life.To not work on overcoming and towards releasing whatever needs to find freedom within us..

That does not mean we accept it to the point we allow it to consume and bury us.

But, what if it’s OK and possibly normal to feel these things? From time to time, and maybe even sometimes longer than we like?

What is purging without the flame?

And what if acting as though these things are not allowed, and that we are to go on making the world presume all that glistens is actually gold and should be so…

Is what is causing all the dark depression and self-loathing in the first place?

Just thinking ♥️🙏🏻😊