Condemn me for living a lie.
For living in pretense.
For hiding behind…whatever one hides truth behind.
But, do not condemn me for my honesty:
For saying I needed a break. A bigger and healthier support system.
For admitting I’m stressed, overwhelmed, and could use just a few hours a day to myself; in order to be a happier and better version of myself. One, we would all like more.
Don’t condemn me now for the repercussions of my honesty.
I spoke out, I have bore my ugly side; in attempts to find freedom.
Yet no one seemed to get that. (In my own thoughts).
It has been up to me and me alone to figure this out; fix it. And that is a difficult task for one overstretched individual.
I have been loving and kind before. Deep underneath she yet still tries to stay alive inside ..to shine. Though it’s been a long time since she felt that way: like a light.
But, do not condemn me now for my honesty. When all the shit I knew would surface, is brought to the top.
For years, I’ve (thought) known the solution:
I need me time. I told people this. Time to heal. I know myself; and what it takes to find peace and be grounded.
I tried to tell everyone around me how I find solace! Just help me, I asked. Give me time for myself, just a few hours; did I not?
No one believed me. Or could help me with this goal.
Maybe I alone am to blame? I’m willing to accept that. But in my distress it’s hard to see clearly.
Now they condemn me when it all comes forth. When the tension erupts and my soul bursts.
Now they see an animal, not a person.
The hurting; not the many things that have caused it…the stressors and barriers…
Can no one see the trying and striving to find it(hope/peace/love)?
Yet it is all futile to them.
I told the world, I needed time and space. A quite place to think. Meditate, sedate.
What did they think?
I’m human. It’s hard.
But after a while;
( This is symbolic poetry. Expressions of myself, yet in poetic woe format lol).