I would say unlike what one would call normal: life for the most part good, with intermittent sorrows; mine has been the reverse.

And this is not to exaggerate. It is just my truth. And I am at this moment, feeling the need to accept that.

To accept my pain. And my sorrow.

I think most my life I’ve tried to resist it. Fight it. Defeat it. What psychologists would call, repressing it.

Maybe I’ve never given it the attention it deserves?

Heard it’s voice?

Some religion has told me it’s sin, lack of faith, my own choices; doctors have said it’s many things.

I’ve told myself I’ll never change. I’ve hated this pain. It’s hurt me. And others.

I don’t mean, I just want to go off the deep end.

But, rather finally process it? That’s the only way I can explain it right now. To feel it, be ok with it.

Not let it be my enemy, but try to understand “her”.

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