I’ll tell you what, these last few years have been rough. I wrestle even with myself. I feel EXTREMELY conflicted inside about who I am? The anger, rage, pain, irritability, my thoughts, words, actions.
I feel like two people. Reminds me a lot of how Paul questioned himself. How he seen a part of himself he was so sick of and knew he did not like, but there was another part of him that hungered for the right way, thing, etc.
Deep in me, I still have this heart that longs to be that positive person, that brings joy and hope and good news. But, it’s been a long time since I was like that, it seems.
So now I’ll catch myself doing good, feeling joy, speaking of hope and God, and I guess I doubt myself.
I want to do good. Be a light. But, I sure don’t feel like it or feel like I produce it lately.
The Undoing of Me 