……

I don’t understand how people think that those with depression are suppose to just be OK? Just pull themselves up and out of it, as if it’s simple. As if it’s brought on by self.

I wish I could pop a magic pill, say a certain prayer and I would be your kind of “normal.”

Don’t tell me what you would do, what I should do. I am not you.

I would lose time off my life to be more able. To be able to regain peace when needed. To be able to just let it go, shake it off, brighten up!

Fuck I wish! I have wished for more than half my life now that this wasn’t my life. This wasn’t my condition.

Things have intensified for me after having my second child.. They are not as manageable as before.

I am under a vast amount of stress, I don’t know how to even describe the weight. I can’t keep up.

I am alone trying to move mountains.

At least this is how it feels for me.

I don’t need those with better support systems telling me, that they would do this or that.

I don’t need you reminding me that I am young and strong, that I should be able to handle this.

You have no idea.

I don’t need those financially sound, emotionally stable, able to take moments away from life to find refreshment, with others by their side to help pick up the pieces…telling me that I should be more like them..handle things like they can, think and feel like this and that.

If you could spend a day and a half in my mind..feel the chaos inside my emotional center..I honestly don’t think you’d be able to handle it.

You’d run away…

You’d hide for some time…

You’d take a day off for yourself…

You’d have those close to you that could handle it…bear the load for you, why you regained your strength.

I don’t have that!!

Don’t tell me what I can and cannot handle. I can handle this pain…that’s one thing. I can live with it…I have thus far

It’s been my normal for a long time…

You most likely would fear for your life if you felt all this turmoil……….PTSD type of madness

This shit is what causes some to blow out their brains and call it a day…

You couldn’t handle this pain…so don’t tell me how I should….

I’m doing the best I can at coping with all that is nagging at me…wanting more of me..

I have nothing left to say…