Over the course of my life, mostly as an adolescent but also a few times as an adult; I’ve had others think I was seeking attention. Whether it be from my loudness, hyperactiveness, complaining, sobbing at church..whatever
And though some of those behaviors may stem from some subconscious need to be heard and seen; they come from a deep place of neglect if so. They were and are, never conscious attempts at seeking attention..
And anything that was, or has been ..was more celebratory and pleasing..class clownish. Over the top enthusiasm. Happy like.
But no, never has any of my pain been a toy or used like a carrot on a string.
But the symptoms of the deepest mental torments and emotional agonies that I’ve lived through and felt.
Desperate cries for release from..
Whatever chaos that wrecked havoc on my mind and soul…Painful ass shit, that I do believe only those that have known it can comprehend…and they are the one’s that have never assumed another’s reactions to pain beyond words, were fraudulent.
They are the ones that always offered healing..
They are the one’s that don’t run..that don’t get fed up..that don’t criticize or offer their own wisdom as advice….they in their own personal way…always offer and give some sort of life to dead bones….
The Undoing of Me 