You ain’t the only one with demons screaming..threatening your reason… You ain’t the only one who holds on tight to sanity..trying to prove to the rest of humanity..that you too can overcome this “wicked man in me”.
You think I like to bring pain ..like it’s my sick game..and I just can’t wait to get out and play? You think I really think that way? Maybe you see the world as so deranged these days..that you can’t help but project all the wreckage…blame someone ..anyone for all the havoc and carnage..savages and madmen..refuse and garbage
Sorry but it’s not that way…but pain does unfortunately escape..some days. And in destructive ways…causing and leaving a lot of heartache.. to those unworthy…in it’s wake…but that sure as hell don’t mean that that is what I wake up and set out to create…
You got me mistaken…just saying
But we all tend to look at the darkest parts..of our own and other’s hearts..deep sigh..guilty as charged. Lord free me from this pointing..assuming..many times wrongfully accusing..fear based..depravity…That’s causing all the madness ..decaying like cavities..ravaging…
So you REALLY still think I enjoy holding on to all that’s ugly in me? Is that what you see when you look at me? Have you even ever tried to find any beauty in me? Have you even attempted to look deep enough to try and perceive what lays beneath? Engage with me? Or has it always been so much about you..that you were all you seen?
Is it all just a reflection? A mirror…and what you hope to be me..is really just you peering back out.. in me? Does it make it just a little easier to breathe..knowing your not the only darkned heart wanting freed?
*But tell me, how often you’ve wanted to break away from certain chains..yet you found that they were stronger..had you enslaved..?*( Hint: This is my thesis..reflect and re-read it; look within yourself..find it and retrieve it)
You think I want to be this monster? That I wake up with my face up…excited to cause some problems?
You better best believe that if this was what I wanted..I’d be 10 times the raging monster..if I was really wanting to cause some chaotic drama
I would have everyone else’s minds haunted..with the same deranged things that have ultimately plagued my thoughts…it’s been costly..exhausting…..if that was where I was really heading..boo get ready…
For real though..listen to what I’m saying..you call me crazy..I take it…life’s been really crazy..it’s made me..
But I’ve come a long ass way…I don’t care what you talk yourself into thinking..or how you end up interpreting the actions my life seems to be saying…I was in a much darker hell and I know my life has been slowly..reshaping….
And it ain’t over yet…whether you are by my side…or decide to leave one hanging…cuz really it’s YOU that causes yourself all the abuse..and you are just hoping to escape it….place it all on someone else…wanting to give a reason for all the pain and..rename it
You just don’t know my struggle..and I don’t know yours…so just be humble..choose to look at the growth..though it be slow..and be grateful…you never know the ache that causes one to quake so much for months..weeks..days..and it all blows up..in unintended places…you let go..break beneath the weight… And oh the weight…oh wait…
Sure you do..
We all can name a few…instances..shit just got the most of us… I can see you now tormented and proud…
You just had other means of releasing it..we are all diffrent..and have different ways of handling it…no excuses..but it’s reality. ..get with it…live it
Love and forgiveness have freed me more than any resentment and pitty. Give it…to yourself if any..