F@*# It ALL..that’s how I feel today..and maybe I will tmrw too.

For the past half-decade and some, I’ve been trying to be it all. The very best I can. The example for Christ, the mother who understands, the friend who only sees the best in others, despite my thoughts telling me otherwise. The good sister, daughter, employee, citizen..you name it.

I’ve been policing my every thought, word, action, moment, year, month, week, day, hour, minute, second…And shit… that shit is getting old! I’m tired!!!!

I want to let go! Like really let go. Let the baby cry while I have a moment of solitude, make my entitled teenager actually do some shit without expecting anything in return. Tell my friends some opinions that might not sit to well with them..tell a few loved one’s the same.

Stop trying to perfom my best at work..and simply not give two shits…because you still get paid as much as the other person, who really don’t seem to give two shits.

Stop trying to be so nice, so understanding, so caring, self- giving. Let all the ass holes know that I can be an ass hole too! Post some controversial crap on social media because I want to get people pissed off, just because I can. And while I’m at it, cuss a few people out, because that’s just want I want to do.

I want to tell all the well intended people who are reaching out to me now while I’m losing it..and everyone knows it..that I needed them then…When my life was in a good place. And yes, THAT was my good place! hahaha

To tell Shirley to stay out of my damn business and everyone else’s too. To quit trying to come across as concerned..because I already know she just loves the juicy details going on in everyone’s life..more than she cares. That her caring is more about herself, than for the person she comes off as trying to care for. She should just stop caring too.

Tell Ginger I know she mentions this shit and that, in order to look good; and how she tries to hide this shit and that..even though it’s already seen and known. How she makes up things to make it seem like life is in her favor..even though that’s not really always so.. But she cares so much about her appearance..she would rather tell a lie..than let others know her life sucks too. . Tell her that I know she makes these little comments in order to look better, and she asks certain questions in order to feel better..That I know she secretly likes when other’s lives sometimes suck..and likes to brag when things are great..when she thinks her shit don’t seem to stink. It ain’t working hunny..I see you! Maybe she should just jump on this waggon with me and get real with herself too.

I want to find out which nosey neighbor called the city on me while I was big and pregnant; for not bringing my trash cans up to my house for two days. Tell them that maybe they should do the shit for me, since they got so much time on their hands. Maybe rake my yard too while their at it. Tell them I wish I had the time and energy to do that shit. Man it would be therapeutic!

Tell my teenager’s teachers that life at home is sometimes f-d up for us. The stress gets to him too. Give him a break. Actually ask him what’s going on..rather than assuming he is just a bad kid at times.

And those teachers that have life all figured out..happy home..husband..kids..all smiles..shits and giggles…please stop calling me and telling me how he messed up AGAIN! Life can be overwhelming for single mothers. I wish I could discipline just right…reprimand just so. And sometimes I wish I would have made better choices..and not got myself in these situations. I already thought about that shit, before the rest of you did, over and over in your giant teacher brains.

Teach me something! By example. Come help! Come see! Quit just assuming Miss Tenure. But don’t fret..I get your life ain’t easy too! I get it…I get it..and I actually do consider it.

I am human..we all are..you too!

I want to tell Bobby to get off his ass and help his mom. Because she is stressed the f-out, depressed, and lonely. And you really don’t know how hard it is to do it all..to keep up with it ALL. To have all these bills and feel like your the only one who knows they exist. And that he should be happy I told him so; because one day his good ol’ self-sacrificing, hard working ass mama will be dead..and I really don’t want him to get it then..when it’s a little too late.

I want to tell my dumb ass money hungry doctors, I never popped pain pills to get high..they just never listened; so I had to self-medicate in order to get by. But instead they insisted I wanted to enjoy life..because it was such a party…rather than attempting to feel half-sane.

I want to smoke hella weed and ride around for hours not caring again. Flipping people off and blaring loud music that is bad for society and little kids too.

I want to tell this one chic that those tight ass leggings don’t get her what she really wants …to be known. But, she’s just making herself an object…a sexual desire…wanted more for what she has..than who she is. And in the meantime Carol’s husband is happy watching her ass shake….while Carol wishes he thought the same about her ass.

Poor fat ass booty chic wanting to be loved. Poor Carol’s husband for thinking that ass is what he really needs. And poor Carol for not even releasing that Jiggly ass only wishes she could have a real family..and not have to show her jiggly ass for someone to see her.

And I want to tell that young punk kid, that life’s too short to think he’s the shit for too long. His rims will quit spinning, those clothes will go out of style..and 1 to 4 felonies later.. will keep him locked down in the streets for good. If not that..than his dumb ass, so called friends will. Who tell him this is the way to live..fast money..dirty hoes..just throwing his life away while he’s at it. They will be gone as soon as he f-s up..so just suck it up now and man up. Job up. Legit the F-up! I want to tell him he’ll just always be chasing it….but never really making it..if this is the game he insists be played.

Hopefully he’s not gone..way too soon .like the many..not the few..before he could finally realise all the time he wasted..trying to impress a world and people who didn’t really care in the first place..and neglecting those that really did

And before you get all pissed off and try to think whether I’m talking about you or not(maybe I am..maybe I ain’t)..just realise you think all this shit too…shit..I am YOU!! ..and maybe you should just admit it..let it all out and say f-it!

2 thoughts on “F@*# It ALL..that’s how I feel today..and maybe I will tmrw too.

  1. โคI agree with you. It is so stressful sometimes trying to do everything right. I too have days where I want to just scream and tell people what I really think.

    Liked by 1 person

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